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Some countries invest in specialized sports facilities for top athletes but not for the average people. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some countries invest in specialized sports facilities for top athletes but not for the average people. Is this a positive or negative development? AE2L
It is undeniable that several countries have a tendency of government funding for sport is spent on facilities for professional sportsmen instead of providing equipment for the public purpose. Although I agree that this policy brings about some benefits. I am convinced that its negative aspects are noticeable. On the one hand, investment in specialized sports facilities for top athletes may lead to considerable successes. The main reason for this trend is that almost every country wants to be recognized for its sport industry. It is obvious that when sports players have a chance to practice in better conditions with modern equipment, they tend to contribute spectacular results in international competitions and gain great respect for their country. For example, China has long been well known for many gold medals in swimming in the Olympic Games due to their sufficient investment in infrastructure and internally developed method of training for prospective Olympians. Moreover, this trend of development may have a positive impact on the youngsters who, in turn, will be more likely to choose the sports profession, contributing to the boom of the national sports industry in many years to come. On the other hand, the drawbacks of insufficient financial resources for public sports facilities should be considered. The most significant of these is that public health may deteriorate. The fact that only a small amount of the government’s budget expenditures on public sports, which result in the shortage of fitness centers and an increase in the expense to join sports clubs. In addition, many citizens in poorer neighborhoods lack access to parks and modern facilities. As a result, not many people can engage in sports activities regularly, which may, unfortunately, increase the chances of people leading a sedentary lifestyle which is totally against the active lifestyle that sports are trying to promote. In conclusion, heavy investment in sports facilities aimed at professional athletes has both advantages and disadvantages; however, the latter far outweighs the former.
It is undeniable that several countries have a tendency of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is spent
on facilities for professional sportsmen
instead
of providing equipment for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
purpose.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this policy brings about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits. I
am convinced
that its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects are noticeable.

On the one hand, investment in specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities for top athletes may lead to considerable successes. The main reason for this trend is that almost every country wants to
be recognized
for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
industry. It is obvious that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players have a chance to practice in better conditions with modern equipment, they tend to contribute spectacular results in international competitions and gain great respect for their country.
For example
, China has long been well known for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gold medals in swimming in the Olympic Games due to their sufficient investment in infrastructure and
internally
developed method of training for prospective Olympians.
Moreover
, this trend of development may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the youngsters who, in turn, will be more likely to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
profession, contributing to the boom of the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

On the other hand
, the drawbacks of insufficient financial resources for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities should
be considered
. The most significant of these is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health may deteriorate. The fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s budget expenditures on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which result in the shortage of fitness centers and an increase in the expense to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens in poorer neighborhoods lack access to parks and modern facilities.
As a result
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities
regularly
, which may, unfortunately, increase the chances of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
leading a sedentary lifestyle which is
totally
against the active lifestyle that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are trying to promote.

In conclusion
, heavy investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities aimed at professional athletes has both advantages and disadvantages;
however
, the latter far outweighs the former.
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IELTS essay Some countries invest in specialized sports facilities for top athletes but not for the average people. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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