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Some countries are in favor of private gun ownership, while others are strongly against it. What is your opinion? Should citizens be allowed to own a gun?

Some countries are in favor of private gun ownership, while others are strongly against it. What is your opinion? Should citizens be allowed to own a gun? Wnwyb
In developed social, a number of weapons that was produced to army but in serveral regions are in favor of own gun, others are strongly disagree it. In my opinion, use individual handgun should be banned in the world. Apparently, shotgun can be advantages of with illogical purpose. Bad guy who has a bad intentions such as: kill people, rob, terrorism, etc. This has a negative effect on social and good people can lose their lives for no reason. In some states, the use of gun is not prohibited and in there has many cases of gun violence. American where allowed people use firearm due to constitution of United State. And this country has the highest rate crime in the world about gun violence. On the contrary with American, in Japan where has the lowest ratio in cases gun violence. Due to buyer have to go through 13 steps of the procedure and state law. If you use a gun illegally, you will be jailed.
In developed social, a number of weapons that
was produced
to army
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
serveral
regions are in favor of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
, others are
strongly
Consider using a past participle here: "disagreed".
disagree
it. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
individual handgun should
be banned
in the world.

Apparently
, shotgun can be advantages of with illogical purpose.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Bad
guy who has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "intention"?
intentions
such as: kill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, rob, terrorism, etc. This has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on social and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can lose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for no reason. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
is not prohibited and in there has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
violence. American where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
firearm due to constitution of United State. And this country has the highest rate crime in the world about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
violence.
On the contrary
with American, in Japan where has the lowest ratio in cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
violence. Due to buyer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go through 13 steps of the procedure and state law. If you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
illegally
, you will
be jailed
.
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IELTS essay Some countries are in favor of private gun ownership, while others are strongly against it. What is your opinion? Should citizens be allowed to own a gun?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
165 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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