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Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? aO9w
At present, the number of elderly people working is considered to be increased in various countries. In response to this statement, the essay will elaborate on both benefits and drawbacks to maintain that choosing an absolute stance will undermine the issue’s complexity. To commence with, aged people with qualified skills play fundamental roles in particular jobs. Specifically, professors who usually are over 55 years old are beneficial for scientific developments. Being an expert in a specific field required lots of hard studying and experienced working time spanning over 30 years, as a result, they need a longer time to work than other occupations to contribute to the scientific developments. An extensive survey conducted by Harvard University in 2019 reported that 67% of physical researchers and scientists received patents as well as gained the highest citation publications award after they were 60 years old. Therefore, elderly employment is necessary in some specific occupations. On the other hand, the phenomenon of old working ages could bring drawbacks to social balancing. Due to the limitation of job opportunities, people work longer could increase highly competition in the landscape of exponential population growth. Fresh graduates may be deprived of the chance to work by elderly people, thus it links to the high rate of unemployment and other social problems. For instance, in Japan, when the government executed the labor law that employees retired after 65 years old since 2015, the unemployment rate in 2017 surged 12% compared to 5% in the previous years. Thus, the government should consider the extension of employment ages. In conclusion, the essay has maintained an impartial stance due to the byzantine nature of this issue: on the one hand, elderly employees are beneficial in some particular jobs; on the other hand, the extension of working ages could deprive the job opportunities for the youngster, which influenced on social problems.
At present, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is considered
to
be increased
in various countries. In response to this statement, the essay will elaborate on both benefits and drawbacks to maintain that choosing an absolute stance will undermine the issue’s complexity.

To commence with, aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with qualified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
play fundamental roles
in particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Specifically
, professors who
The adverb 'usually' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
usually are
over 55 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
are beneficial for scientific developments. Being an expert in a specific field required lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
studying and experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
time spanning over 30 years,
as a result
, they need a longer time to work than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
occupations to contribute to the scientific developments. An extensive survey conducted by Harvard University in 2019 reported that 67% of physical researchers and scientists received patents
as well
as gained the highest citation publications award after they were 60 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
employment is necessary in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific occupations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the phenomenon of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
ages could bring drawbacks to social balancing. Due to the limitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work longer could increase
highly
competition in the landscape of exponential population growth. Fresh graduates may
be deprived
of the chance to work by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
it links to the high rate of unemployment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social problems.
For instance
, in Japan, when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
executed the labor law that employees retired after 65 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
since 2015, the unemployment rate in 2017 surged 12% compared to 5% in the previous years.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider the extension of employment ages.

In conclusion
, the essay has maintained an impartial stance due to the
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some adjectives that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Byzantine".
byzantine
nature of this issue: on the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
employees are beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
; on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the extension of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
ages could deprive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for the youngster, which influenced on social problems.

IELTS essay Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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