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Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

These days, working as a self-employed is becoming the first choice for people rather than getting a job in any firm or organization. There could be many reasons and few disadvantages. This essay will discuss this in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark upon, people believes that doing working as self-employed has many benefits to them such as they can work independently at any place according to their capability which helps them to get a stress-free environment for work, as well as income ratio, will also depend on just their working timing and quantity of work. For example, if the individual wants to work in some creative field then he or she might do work with efficiency and quality in their own space but in the job, they have to work under the pressure of work which also increase stress level and with that, they could not produce the thing which they have in mind for the creativity. Moreover, we can say this case might be increased due to fewer jobs, people choose doing work from home or starting their own online business when they could not get any relevant or suitable job. There could be disadvantages also along with the advantages of being self-employed. In the self-employed category, most of the profits and loss is just depend on the same persons as well as this work does not remain constant in that sometimes they have to face a shortage of work from clients also. As this job is not secure and permanent so there is always the risk of being unemployed again. Furthermore, Working hours may be much longer and more irregular than those who are not self-employed. For this reason, people can get less time to spend with families, friends, and struggle to switch off from work life. In Conclusion, Self-employed work needs more responsibility rather than jobs but its benefits can open the way to success easily. So, self-employed people should focus and balance their work in the proper manner for saving themselves from risks and demerits.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a self-employed
is becoming the
first
choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in any firm or organization. There could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons and few disadvantages. This essay will discuss this in the upcoming paragraphs.

To embark upon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as self-employed has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to them such as they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
independently
at any place according to their capability which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
as well
as income ratio, will
also
depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
timing and quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, if the individual wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
creative field then he or she might do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with efficiency and quality in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
space
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
under the pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which
also
increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level and with that, they could not produce the thing which they have in mind for the creativity.
Moreover
, we can say this case might
be increased
due to fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose
If ‘choose’ is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: “to do”.
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home or starting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
online business when they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any relevant or suitable job.

There could be disadvantages
also
along with the advantages of being self-employed. In the self-employed category, most of the profits and loss is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
depend on the same persons
as well
as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
does not remain constant in that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from clients
also
. As this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not secure and permanent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is always the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being unemployed
again.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
hours may be much longer and more irregular than those who are not self-employed.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less time to spend with families, friends, and struggle to switch off from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life.

In Conclusion
, Self-employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
needs more responsibility
rather
than
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its benefits can open the way to success
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, self-employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should focus and balance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the proper manner for saving themselves from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and demerits.
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IELTS essay Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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