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To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Learning the how to distinguish between right and wrong is a vital step in the process of a child's personality development. Considering punishments and penalties is essential to help them in this way. In my view, according to the learning algorithm of brain, punishments should be considered and I completely agree with penalties as a whole. However, choose of the punishment type is a matter worth discussing and it has to be selected properly in order to become effective. First of all, It should be mentioned that human's brain follows a reward and punishment manner. In other words, it is the punishment followed by conducting a wrong action that defines the negativity and adversity of the committed action. Consequently, in order to deprive a child of making a mistake there should be a penalty considered. Although choosing the punishment type may seem a plethora of options, in fact only a few of those options suit well of each situation. A proper punishment should be prohibitive and inhibits the child of repeating a mistake again. On the other hand, penalties have to be chosen not so mean. In fact, supremely severe punishments will effect in the opposite direction by creating a tenet in the child's mind. For example, most of physical punishments will damage personailty of the child and and these sorts of punishments should be considered unethical and be banned. To sum up, children ought to experience limitations and penalties after doing something wrong or contributing in it's occurance. On the countary, not every punishment works fine and not every penalty should be allowed. It should be kept in mind that punishments reason is to correct not to corrupt.
Learning the how to distinguish between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
is a vital step in the process of a child's personality development. Considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in this way. In my view, according to the learning algorithm of brain,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
should be
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
considered and
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
as a whole.
However
, choose of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
type is a matter worth
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
discussing and
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be selected
properly
in order to become effective.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, It should
be mentioned
that human's brain follows a reward and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
manner.
In other words
, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
followed by conducting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
action that defines the negativity and adversity of the committed action.
Consequently
, in order to deprive a child of making a mistake there should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
considered.

Although choosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
type may seem a plethora of options, in fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few of those options suit well of each situation. A proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should be prohibitive and inhibits the child of repeating a mistake again.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be chosen
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
mean. In fact,
supremely
severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
will
Did you mean “affect” (have an effect upon)?
effect
in the opposite direction by creating a tenet in the child's mind.
For example
, most of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
will damage
Possible spelling mistake found.
personailty
of the child
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
these sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
should
be considered
unethical and
be banned
.

To sum up, children ought to experience limitations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
after doing something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or contributing in it's
Possible spelling mistake found.
occurance
. On the
Possible spelling mistake found.
countary
, not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
works fine and not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
. It should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in mind that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
reason is to correct not to corrupt.
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IELTS essay To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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