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Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

These days with the speedy technological improvement, many humans can effortlessly get admission to to computers. It made the whole thing turn out to be convenient inclusive of sending message, buying online, gaining knowledge of to do some thing. . . and most of the youngsters chose to play video games however the entirety usually has its execs and cons. On the one hand, playing games brings along many benefits. The most important positive effect is that it enables children to develop useful skills such as problem-solving skills, coordination, logical thinking, language skills, computer skills, . . . . Furthermore, whilst playing video games, young adults can feel relax and have fun and reduce their pressure after a tired day. Kids can even learn a very useful skills which is maintaining accuracy in quick decisions, they can calculate all the dependent parameters speedy with well accuracy. When gambling video games, they need to remember a lot of things like the keys on their keyboard so they can easily move their characters in the game, this helps improve their memory, whether short- term or long-term. On the other hand, some drawbacks do exist. The most serious negative impact is that young people may have harmful effects on their health if they play game too much and it may lead to some serious health problem such as weak eyesight, obesity, body pain. . . . Many video games in the market right now contain excessive violence, over-the-top sexuality, profanity, racism, and many other things that cannot be perceived by kids in the right manner and they may end up trying to emulate the same behaviour as portrayed in the games. Overall, i think that If young children access technology too early, it can cause negative effects. Children playing video games has its pros and cons so play it responsibly.
These days with the speedy technological improvement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
humans can
effortlessly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
computers. It made the whole thing turn out to be convenient inclusive of sending message, buying online, gaining knowledge of to do
Did you mean “something”?
some thing
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
and
most of the youngsters chose to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
however
the entirety
usually
has its execs and cons.

On the one hand, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
brings along
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. The most
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important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect is that it enables children to develop useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, coordination, logical thinking, language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
Did you just mean “,” or “.”?
, .
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Furthermore
, whilst playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, young adults can feel relax and have fun and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their pressure after a tired day. Kids can even learn a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which is maintaining accuracy in quick decisions, they can calculate all the dependent parameters speedy with well accuracy. When gambling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they need to remember
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things like the keys on their keyboard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their characters in the game, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their memory, whether short- term or long-term.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks do exist. The most serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact is that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may have harmful effects on their health if they play game too
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
much and
it may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious health problem such as weak eyesight, obesity, body pain.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the market right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
contain excessive violence, over-the-top sexuality, profanity, racism, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things that cannot
be perceived
by kids in the right
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
manner and
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up trying to emulate the same
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
as portrayed in the games.

Overall
,
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that If young children access technology too early, it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. Children playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has its pros and cons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
play it
responsibly
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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