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Some business now say that no one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public. This is good idea hit also takes away some of freedom. Do you agree and disagree? Give reason for your answer

Some business now say that no one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public. This is good idea hit also takes away some of freedom. Do you agree and disagree? Give reason for your answer 7wG2
Nowadays, some individuals tend to disagree with smokers who were smoking in some office owing to the government have made new regulation for smoker who was smoking in public. This policy was rised due to smoking activity was dangerous for us. In my point of view, the government should be conducted this rule to make a comfort zone for other people. First and foremost, smoking activity can disturb some passive smoker. It has a negative impact on whom not smoking and be able to affect their health. For instance, in the public facilities like in public transportation, an active smoker cannot smoke on the bus when there are women who are pregnant, because it has drawbacks for women’s baby. Not only that but also the older people who have lung disease will get a negative impact and their lung condition will be less healthier. Hence, no doubt for the government that aware of this problem by making a new rule of law about the smoking area. Moreover, in this modern era, an individual who is an active smoker do not aware of other individual their health. They do not have large knowledge about the dangers of smoking activities for the passive smoker. For instance, currently, in Indonesia, there are several smokers who still smoking in public facilities, due to the government do not give education about the negative impacts of smoking and do not give punishment for all of the citizens who smoking in public facilities. So, some active smokers still do these activities. On the other hand, some people argue that smoking activity will be more beneficial for government tax, but they do not know which smoking have more and more negative impacts than positive impact and they should think that other people have freedom. Ultimately, the government should give facility like smoking area for active smoker freedom. In conclusion, I prefer that smoking activity should be banned in public activities for other people’s freedom.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals tend to disagree with smokers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
office owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have made new regulation for smoker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. This policy was
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for us. In my point of view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
be conducted
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a comfort zone for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
can disturb
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
passive smoker. It has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on whom not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and be able to affect their health.
For instance
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities like in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
smoker cannot smoke on the bus when there are women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are pregnant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has drawbacks for women’s baby. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have lung disease will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
and their lung condition will be
Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean "less healthy"?
less healthier
.
Hence
, no
The usual collocation for "doubt" is "in" or "about" not "the". Did you mean "doubt in" or "doubt about"?
doubt for
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
that aware of this problem by making a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of law about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
area.

Moreover
, in this modern era, an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
smoker do not aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individual their health. They do not have large knowledge about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the passive smoker.
For instance
,
currently
, in Indonesia, there are several smokers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities, due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
do not give education about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and do not give punishment for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
smokers
still
do these activities.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
will be more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
tax,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not know which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
have more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
impact and
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have freedom.
Ultimately
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give facility like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
area for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
smoker freedom.

In conclusion
, I prefer that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
should
be banned
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
freedom.

IELTS essay Some business now say that no one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public. This is good idea hit also takes away some of freedom. Do you agree and disagree? Give reason for your answer

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some business now say that no one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public. This is good idea hit also takes away some of freedom. Do you agree and disagree? Give reason for your answer