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Some believe that people who do physical work should be paid on par with people who have a high-level degree. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some believe that people who do physical work should be paid on par with people who have a high-level degree. v. 3
It is argued by some people that both skilled and unskilled workers should be paid the same wages regardless of their level of education. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this notion for a number of reasons. To begin with, educated workers cannot receive the same salary as menial workers because of the time and money invested in attaining a degree. This is because lots of funds and sacrifices go into schooling, and one way that an individual can be rewarded is with good pay. Moreover, it will be baseless for one to go to school for close to five years, graduate and be offered the same salary grade as a high school drop-out who does not see the need for learning in school. To illustrate, the average Nigerian youth spends nothing less than six million Naira to see themselves through university. It is therefore expected for them to earn higher than their counterparts who have never seen the four walls of a university. Furthermore, right from inception, a more educated worker collects more money than a person doing a menial job. This is because a skilled worker is more involved in administrative work and also life-changing decisions at work, unlike a cleaner whose work might be to keep the office clean. As a result of the more technical level of expertise required by a skilled person, it is, therefore, necessary that he gets a pay commensurate to his job. Also, these sets of jobs are in different classes, consequently, should not in any way be compared. In conclusion, there is no basis for comparison between unskilled and skilled workers because of the level of expertise required by the highly skilled individual.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
and unskilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should
be paid
the same wages regardless of their level of education. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this notion for a number of reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
cannot receive the same salary as menial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the time and money invested in attaining a degree. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
lots of funds and sacrifices go into schooling, and one way that an individual can
be rewarded
is with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pay.
Moreover
, it will be baseless for one to go to school for close to five years, graduate and
be offered
the same salary grade as a high school drop-out who does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the need for learning in school. To illustrate, the average Nigerian youth spends nothing less than six million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'Naira' seems to be countable, so consider using: "nairas".
Naira
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
themselves through university. It is
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
for them to earn higher than their counterparts who have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the four walls of a university.

Furthermore
, right from inception, a more educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
collects more money than a person doing a menial job. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
is more involved in administrative work and
also
life-changing decisions at work, unlike a cleaner whose work might be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the office clean.
As a result
of the more technical level of expertise required by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
person, it is,
therefore
, necessary that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a pay commensurate to his job.
Also
, these sets of jobs are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
classes,
consequently
, should not in any way
be compared
.

In conclusion
, there is no basis for comparison between unskilled and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the level of expertise required by the
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
individual.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that people who do physical work should be paid on par with people who have a high-level degree. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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