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For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.9

For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. v. 9
It is argued that teachers in preschools and primary schools exert more effect on intelligence and social skills of children than parents. While I agree with the viewpoint, I believe that parents probably have a great impact on the development of their offspring. There are a number of reasons why teachers are able to encourage their students to develop intelligence and social skills. The most obvious evidence is that children go to school in order to learn subjects regarding to society or logic, including math or literature. Therefore, teachers who are trained professionals can tailor teaching styles suitable for their students with the aim of supporting them in having a good grasp of their subjects. Furthermore, social development is likely to be enhanced through mix with other students, so teachers can aid their students in creating interaction between the students. For example, by making several teams in a class to do a task, the students are capable of developing teamwork skills. I consider that parents still play a vital role in social development and intelligent improvement of children. First, parents can provide extracurricular activities for their children by enrolling them in extra classes. For instance, parents are able to bring their offspring to English classes beyond schools; as a result, the children are likely to develop communication skills and improve English, by virtue of approaching native speakers and other friends at the classes. Second, the intelligence of children can be developed via nutrients. Consequently, parents may provide their children vitamins, which exert positive impacts on children's brain, by spending an amount of money on buying milk and nutritious foods. In conclusion, although I agree that teachers are better than parents in developing intelligence and social skills. I think that parents still contribute a great role in doing that via several methods.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in preschools and primary schools exert more effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the viewpoint, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
probably
have a great impact on the development of their offspring.

There are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are able to encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. The most obvious evidence is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go to school in order to learn subjects
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
society or logic, including math or literature.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who
are trained
professionals can tailor teaching styles suitable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the aim of supporting them in having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grasp of their subjects.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development is likely to
be enhanced
through mix with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can aid their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in creating interaction between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, by making several teams in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to do a task, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are capable of developing teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
still
play a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development and intelligent improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can provide extracurricular activities for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by enrolling them in extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are able to bring their offspring to English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
beyond schools;
as a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to develop communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
English, by virtue of approaching native speakers and other friends at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be developed
via nutrients.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
vitamins, which exert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on children's brain, by spending an amount of money on buying milk and nutritious foods.

In conclusion
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
still
contribute a great role in doing that via several methods.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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