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Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience. v.3

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. v. 3
In recent years, With improvement in the healthcare system and the people’s standard of living, people are able to live longer and contribute to the nation’s economy by working for long years. Few people believe this is a positive development, while others are of opposite view. However, I support to work for long years as long as the person is fit and healthy for the work. On the one hand, delaying retirement allows a person to actively contribute to the society. On an Individual level, this not only helps to remain physically fit but also mentally strong and active. Moreover, this helps a person to become financially independent even after the retirement and leads to a better life. Besides this, some countries such as Singapore, promotes and allows elderly to work on their suitable task according to their health level and capabilities, such add up to the nation’s economy positively. On the other hand, Due to age, sometimes working beyond the limit affects the health adversely. In addition, even though there are major benefits of mental health of working after retirement age, but number of time it leads to stress and elderly people are mostly not capable to handle the stress well. For instance, suicidal cases have been recently increased in Japan for work stress in old people. Besides this, the negative physical aspects of older people may affect the productivity badly, which affects the company and government. To put this in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, although there are several negative aspects including productivity and stress amongst elderly who work after retirement age, if a person is capable for the task he or she can work at any age and become happy and healthy.
In recent years, With improvement in the healthcare system and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
standard of living,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer and contribute to the nation’s economy by working for long years. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, while others are of opposite view.
However
, I support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long years as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is fit
and healthy for the work.

On the one hand, delaying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
actively
contribute to the society. On an Individual level, this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to remain
physically
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mentally strong and active.
Moreover
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to become
financially
independent even after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
and leads to a better life.
Besides
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries such as Singapore, promotes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
elderly to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on their suitable task according to their health level and capabilities, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
up to the nation’s economy
positively
.

On the other hand
, Due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
working beyond the limit affects the health
adversely
.
In addition
,
even though
there are major benefits of mental health of working after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
number of time it leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
mostly
not capable to handle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
well.
For instance
, suicidal cases have been recently increased in Japan for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Besides
this, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
physical aspects of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may affect the productivity
badly
, which affects the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To put this in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, although there are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects including productivity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
amongst elderly who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is capable for the task he or she can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and become happy and healthy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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