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Some Believe That People Should Not Continue To Work Once They Reach The Age Of Retirement

Some Believe That People Should Not Continue To Work Once They Reach The Age Of Retirement 15oeM
Some Believe That People Should Not Continue To Work Once They Reach The Age Of Retirement Until what age individuals should perform their duties is a debatable issue; it is argued by many people that individuals should stop working once they reach the age of retirement. This essay strongly supports this view as this will greatly benefits an individual to stay blissful and motivated. To commence with, on average, an individual works for almost twenty-five to thirty years before his or her stop going to their jobs. To explain, this time span is quite long enough and by the time they reach the age of 55 or 60 most of them have already worked hard and fulfilled their responsibilities like providing education for their children and saving enough for their future. Therefore, after quitting job individuals need time for themselves to enjoy their life. To illustrate further, according to a recent survey by the World Health Organization, people who retire at the age of sixty and do not work after that were 30% happier than those who continue to duties after future. Retirees, therefore, should spend plan for travelling to new places and also in physical activities like Yoga and Meditation that can improve their health. Furthermore, after stop working individuals can involve themselves in taking care of their grandchildren and being a mentor to them. In other words, Senior citizens possess a vast amount of experience and it can be utilized best when they share it with youngsters; they can guide them in achieving their set goals. For instance, in our society, we have a club of retired people who help youngsters by guiding them to take the right decisions for their future. To conclude, once individuals reach the age of retirement, they have worked enough and they should spend the rest of their lives doing activities that make them happy. Moreover, they can help youngsters in achieving their life goals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Believe That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
Should Not Continue To Work Once They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reach
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Age
Of Retirement

Until what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should perform their duties is a debatable issue; it
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working once they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of retirement. This essay
strongly
supports this view as this will
greatly
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "benefit"
benefits
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to stay blissful and motivated.

To commence with, on average, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
works for almost twenty-five to thirty years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
going to their jobs. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, this time span is quite long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and by the time they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 55 or 60 most of them have already worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and fulfilled their responsibilities like providing education for their children and saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for their future.
Therefore
, after quitting job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
need time for themselves to enjoy their life. To illustrate
further
, according to a recent survey by the World Health Organization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who retire at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of sixty and do not work after that were 30% happier than those who continue to duties after future. Retirees,
therefore
, should spend plan for travelling to new places and
also
in physical activities like Yoga and Meditation that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health.

Furthermore
, after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can involve themselves in taking care of their grandchildren and being a mentor to them.
In other words
, Senior citizens possess a vast amount of experience and it can
be utilized
best when they share it with youngsters; they can guide them in achieving their set goals.
For instance
, in our society, we have a club of retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
youngsters by guiding them to take the right decisions for their future.

To conclude
, once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of retirement, they have worked
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enough and
they should spend the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
doing activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
youngsters in achieving their life goals.

IELTS essay Some Believe That People Should Not Continue To Work Once They Reach The Age Of Retirement

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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