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Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. kJNn
Crime is an offence against the rules and regulations of society, the person gets punished who commits it. Therefore, it is thought by some people that strict actions should be taken to control the crimes, while others consider that crime is being managed properly. I will manifest both views in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, these days crime rate is being raised extremely fast and people are attempting murder in public. For instance, India records thousands of murder cases daily in which persons are targeted in public places. Unfortunately, these criminals move here and there without any kind of fear, since, Indian government gives bail easily. Moreover, in many countries people do not get capital punishment in major cases such as murder, rape, abduction and many others. Apart from it, shop-lifting, pickpocket and robbing are the businesses of some people in many countries. On the other hand, there are several people who favour that the laws which have been implemented by the judicial are enough to prevent the crimes. Since, many nations believe that life imprisonment or hang to death are the punishments which should be given to the criminals of the major crimes. Furthermore, in case of minor crimes such as pickpocketing and shop-lifting the criminal gets punished by sending to jail for at least one or two months and by paying fine to the accused. Conclusively, every nation has its own rules and laws, some make it strict to minimize the crime rate, however, some teach criminals to prevent further attempting of crimes. According to me, government should enact strict laws against major crimes while the minor crimes can be reduced by warning or alerting the criminals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations of society, the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
punished who commits it.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that strict actions should
be taken
to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, while others consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
being managed
properly
. I will manifest both views in the subsequent paragraphs.

On the one hand, these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is
being raised
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attempting murder in public.
For instance
, India records thousands of murder cases daily in which persons
are targeted
in public places. Unfortunately, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
here and there without any kind of fear, since, Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gives bail
easily
.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
capital punishment in major cases such as murder, rape, abduction and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others. Apart from it, shop-lifting, pickpocket and robbing are the businesses of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

On the other hand
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
that the laws which have
been implemented
by the judicial are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Since,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations believe that life imprisonment or hang to death are the punishments which should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Furthermore
, in case of minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
pickpocketing
and shop-lifting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
punished by sending to jail for at least one or two months and by paying fine to the accused.

Conclusively
, every nation has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and laws,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it strict to minimize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
further
attempting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should enact strict laws against major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
while the minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by warning or alerting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
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IELTS essay Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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