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Some believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Most of the media figures are key influencers nowadays. They play a substantial role in the development of their societies. However, some people think that their negative impact surpasses their positive ones. I believe that they are a double-edged sword. In other words, they should be monitored and directed to a good cause. The merits and demerits of entertainers on their communities will be discussed in this essay in addition to my opinion. On one hand, people who work in the entertainment industry especially actors and TV hosts have become a part of people routine life. The majority of individuals watch movies or talk shows on a daily basis. This because of many reasons. The most significant reason is to relieve stress and to be updated with the recent issues on the national and international level. According to a survey conducted by TMS company in 2018, 80 % of adult Egyptians watched news and talk shows every day which encouraged many companies to pay thousands of pounds to advertise their products or services on TV. Furthermore, watching a comedy or action movie decrease stress hormones which helps in the increase of blood flows. In addition to this, some of the celebrities have set a good example for the young generation. For example, the famous actor, Angeline Joli, who works as UN ambassador for peace has helped in many campaigns for raising money to support war victims and poor people. This has inspired her followers to do the same which is essential in the countries development. (This is really good) On the other hands, some of these celebrities are to some extent responsible for the sharp increase of violence especially in developing countries. In other words, some of these them participated in commercials or movies which encouraged people to commit violent crimes. This can be more explained by the latest movie of the Egyptian actor Mohammed Ramadan (wrong use of comma)it should be a full stop he played the role of a gang leader who robs the others to make his living. This kind of media undermines ethics, morals, and traditions which identify societies and protect them from collapsing. Moreover, currently, politicians and governments use Media broadcasters to make propaganda to distract the public attention from the main issues to hide the truth. To conclude, there are always two sides to any coin. They can play either a good or spelling negative impact on their societies. This depends on the government to take the right measures and further steps to discourage and stop eventually the production of bad media content
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that entertainers
are paid
too much and their impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
figures are key influencers nowadays. They play a substantial role in the development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact surpasses their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones. I believe that they are a double-edged sword. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they should
be monitored
and directed to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cause. The merits and demerits of entertainers on their communities will
be discussed
in this essay
in addition
to my opinion.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work in the entertainment industry
especially
actors and TV hosts have become a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
routine life. The majority of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or talk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
on a daily basis. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. The most significant reason is to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and to
be updated
with the recent issues on the national and international level. According to a survey conducted by TMS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in 2018, 80 % of adult Egyptians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
news and talk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
every day which encouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to pay thousands of pounds to advertise their products or services on TV.
Furthermore
, watching a comedy or action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
decrease
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
hormones which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the increase of blood flows.
In addition
to this,
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
some of the
celebrities have set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for the young generation.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actor, Angeline
Possible spelling mistake found.
Joli
, who works as UN ambassador for peace has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
campaigns for raising money to support war victims and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This has inspired her followers to do the same which is essential in the
An apostrophe may be missing.
countries
development. (This is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
)

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these celebrities are to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent responsible for the sharp increase of violence
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these them participated in commercials or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which encouraged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit violent crimes. This can be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
of the Egyptian actor Mohammed Ramadan (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of comma)it should be a full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
he played the role of a gang leader who robs the others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his living. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
undermines ethics, morals, and traditions which identify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and protect them from collapsing.
Moreover
,
currently
, politicians and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
broadcasters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
propaganda to distract the public attention from the main issues to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the truth.

To conclude
, there are always two sides to any coin. They can play either a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or spelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. This depends on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to take the right measures and
further
steps to discourage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
eventually
the production of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
content
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IELTS essay Some believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
469 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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