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Some aspects of celebrity culture have a bad influence on young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some aspects of celebrity culture have a bad influence on young people. with this statement? KGLy6
The young generation are in threat of being impacted by unfavourable aspects of stars' culture. I agree with this statement, because all media attention is on celebrities' ideal life, which can lead adolescents into depression. This essay covers those undesirable effects of celebrities culture on youth's life. In contemporary life media are putting too much attention on famous people's lives without realising how unfavourable it can turn to teenagers. To commence with, celebrities perfect life culture can lead young generation to some troubles. To illustrate, as not all youth have such a lucky life as stars they could fall into depression, although stars themselves do not always have perfect days. For example, if celebrities do have some troubles in their life, they likely will not post it on social media, but the majority of teenagers will not realise it and they can dive into thought where they play the role of unhappy people. Furthermore, as it was mentioned earlier due the too much attention on celebrities, adolescents could forget about their lives and continue to watch after famous people's lives. For instance, if they are too interested in their favourite actors life, they could put their studies aside, which is certainly undesirable to their future. Moreover, celebrities become for most of the teenagers as idols, which will probably impacts on their behaviour to. To illustrate, as it could be seen some rappers lead unhealthy life, which will plausibly influence on young generation. In conclusion, although there is huge attention on celebrities culture, I think teens should be more interested with their own life rather that famous people's.
The young generation are in threat of
being impacted
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
aspects of stars'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
is on celebrities' ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, which can lead adolescents into depression. This essay covers those undesirable effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
on youth's life.

In contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
media are putting too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
how
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
it can turn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
can lead young generation to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
troubles. To illustrate, as not all youth have such a lucky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as stars they could fall into depression, although stars themselves do not always have perfect days.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
troubles in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they likely will not post it on social media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they can dive into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
where they play the role of unhappy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
, as it
was mentioned
earlier due the too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, adolescents could forget about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, if they are too interested in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
actors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they could put their studies aside, which is
certainly
undesirable to their future.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
become for most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as idols, which will
probably
impacts on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to. To illustrate, as it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rappers lead unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, which will
plausibly
influence on young generation.

In conclusion
, although there is huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
teens should be more interested with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
rather
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's.
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IELTS essay Some aspects of celebrity culture have a bad influence on young people. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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