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Some argue that globalization is harming people more, rather than making them better off. Do the advantages of globalization outweigh the disadvantages?

Some argue that globalization is harming people more, rather than making them better off. Do the advantages of globalization outweigh the disadvantages? AXYn
A group of individuals believe that, people are getting into problem due to the raise of globalization, instead of improving it. Both has it's own pros. and cons. Of asked, the merit of this notion surpasses the demerit. The aspects regarding to this will be justified in the ensuing paragraphs. The main advantage of globalization is the growth of one nation economy. As, the continuous use of import export many more will help one's nation in there economy. If this get happened then all the neighbourhood country and also it will spread all around the globe. Due to this the connectivity between the others country will get stronger. To exemplify, due to this COVID-19 situation many of the nation economy has been decreased. Therefore, it is the best way to do soo. The other advantage to put forward is employment opportunity will get increased. More n more people get employed. As a result, they will expand there business in a great way. Also, the people living in urban area can get benefit of it. To exemplify, a number of poor people get employed in different fields. Although, the main disadvantage of globalization is the risk and loss in business. If individual has no experience of it then it tend to have more risk of investment. Due to this, individual has to take care of it. In conclusion, the main benefit the nation will get is economic growth but will have to face some issue if has less experience in it.
A group of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "believes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'believe' is not always incorrect.)
believe
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting into problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the raise of globalization,
instead
of improving it. Both has
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
cons. Of asked, the merit of this notion surpasses the demerit. The aspects
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
this will
be justified
in the ensuing paragraphs.

The main advantage of globalization is the growth of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
economy.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, the continuous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of import export
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
in there economy. If this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
happened then all the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
country and
also
it will spread all around the globe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this the connectivity between the others country will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stronger. To exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this COVID-19 situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
economy has
been decreased
.
Therefore
, it is the best way to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
soo
.

The other advantage to put forward is employment opportunity will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
increased. More n more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed.
As a result
, they will expand there business
Consider replacing "in a great way" with the adverb for "great"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a great way
.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in urban area can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit of it. To exemplify, a number of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields.

Although, the main disadvantage of globalization is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and loss in business. If individual has no experience of it then it
Did you mean "tends"?
tend
to have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of investment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this, individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take care of it.

In conclusion
, the main benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
is economic growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issue if has less experience in it.
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IELTS essay Some argue that globalization is harming people more, rather than making them better off. Do the advantages of globalization outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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