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Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? mJdO
Due to the low-cost price and accessibility of technology, there is an increasing number of adults and children staying at home to work and study. In my opinion, this development is significantly positive by having good impacts on human life. It has been suggested that the advantages of this change are varied. In terms of finance, it helps people to save money. Only by staying at home with a technological device such as computers, laptops, or even smartphones can people deal with their work without costing a penny to commute. That saves a lot of money for people, which allows them to use these money for other demands. Another benefit is worth considering is the reduction of air pollution. In fact, going to work or school by buses, cars, or motorbikes pollutes the air by releasing a large number of exhaust fumes. Therefore, working and learning online is a suitable measure to reduce the pollutants in the air. Moreover, it also helps to prevent people suffer from respiratory diseases like bronchonist, or asthema caused by air pollution. Last but not least, this transformation makes a contribution to strengthen family's connection. Spending a wide range of time at the office to work cuts down the time parents look after their offsprings. Hence, by working from home, parents can set more time aside to play with their children to understand them. It is evident that working and studying online offers a lot of outstanding advantages. Hence, this development should be encouraged more.
Due to the low-cost price and accessibility of technology, there is an increasing number of adults and children staying at home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study. In my opinion, this development is
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
by having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impacts on human life.

It has
been suggested
that the advantages of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
are varied
. In terms of finance, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save money.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by staying at home with a technological device such as computers, laptops, or even smartphones can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deal with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without costing a penny to commute. That saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Did you mean "this money" or "these moneys", "these monies"?
these money
for other demands. Another benefit is worth considering is the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution. In fact, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or school by buses, cars, or motorbikes pollutes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
by releasing
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
exhaust fumes.
Therefore
, working and learning online is a suitable measure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pollutants in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
.
Moreover
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from respiratory diseases like
Possible spelling mistake found.
bronchonist
, or
Possible spelling mistake found.
asthema
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, this transformation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a contribution to strengthen family's connection. Spending a wide range of time at the office to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
down the time parents look after their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.
Hence
, by working from home, parents can set more time aside to play with their children to understand them.

It is evident that working and studying online offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
outstanding advantages.
Hence
, this development should
be encouraged
more.
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IELTS essay Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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