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Society today has more problems with the behaviour of teenager than in the past. what do you think are the cause of this? what solution can you suggest?

Society today has more problems with the behaviour of teenager than in the past. what do you think are the cause of this? what solution can you suggest? 73Ar5
teenager's behaviour bring some negative impact for cilization more than in the past. I believe that it has a number of reason and needs have activities should be done. First of all, youth areeffected by around environment. from their family, because of big workload, their parents cannot balance between wwork and family, so they spend lack of care for children. parents pamered children by giving money in orrder to their kids thake care of self. After teenagers save money, they buy stories, CDs which not suitable for your age, especially man tennagers. young person also will become corrupt, if they grow up in bad family atmosphere. For example, father drinks wine. fights wife, absolutely, children living in this family has bad affects from dad. Despite they influence from their house, they can ''lean'' from bad friends at school. Using acohol, fighting another, dropping out are some of behaviours of teenagers nowadays. they think that these are best ways proveding theirselves. youth not only being dragged but also curious woth addictive substance. Consequently, family and school play a significant role in educating and personality of young person. Secondly, technology bring some drawback which affect adolescent with the invention of internet, social networking is small social, they can make new friends and study worst sourse of information. because it has not close control, adsolescent approaching sourse of information not exactly. From this, it lead to bad behaviour of youth. Moreover, you adults play violent game consist of aggresive, war. this is another reason which make teenager become worse more than in the past. Depending on these cause above, should have some solution. Firstly, family and school should take care more about children, try to understand individual of teenagers. they aslo aducate youth by another way. school have method to manage and close control for bad students. Teacher may interact with student in thier class. Finally, gorvenment shouls manage to limit violent website. To summarize, family and school are factor wich have a deal of influence to teenagers, so understanding view and bieng friend with children, youth may change and behave in a more appropriate manner.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
teenager
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact for
Possible spelling mistake found.
cilization
more than in the past. I believe that it has a number of reason and needs have activities should
be done
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
Possible spelling mistake found.
areeffected
by around environment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
workload, their parents cannot balance between
Possible spelling mistake found.
wwork
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they spend lack of care for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
pamered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by giving money in
Possible spelling mistake found.
orrder
to their kids
Possible spelling mistake found.
thake
care of self. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
save money, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
stories, CDs which not suitable for your age,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
Possible spelling mistake found.
tennagers
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
young
person
also
will become corrupt, if they grow up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
atmosphere.
For example
, father drinks wine.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
fights
wife,
absolutely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
affects from dad. Despite they influence from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, they can ''lean'' from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
friends at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Using
Possible spelling mistake found.
acohol
, fighting another, dropping out are
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the behaviours") or simply say "some behaviours".
some of behaviours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
nowadays.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
A determiner is probably missing here: "are the best".
are best
ways
Possible spelling mistake found.
proveding
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirselves
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
youth
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
being dragged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
curious
Possible spelling mistake found.
woth
addictive substance.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
play a significant role in educating and personality of young person.

Secondly
, technology bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawback which affect adolescent with the invention of internet, social networking is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
social, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends and study worst
Possible spelling mistake found.
sourse
of information.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
it has not close control,
Possible spelling mistake found.
adsolescent
approaching
Possible spelling mistake found.
sourse
of information not exactly. From this, it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
.
Moreover
, you adults play violent game consist of
Possible spelling mistake found.
aggresive
, war.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is another reason which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
become worse more than in the past.

Depending on these cause above, should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should take care more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, try to understand individual of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
aslo
Possible spelling mistake found.
aducate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
by another way.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
school
have method to manage and close control for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
students. Teacher may interact with student in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Finally
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
gorvenment
Possible spelling mistake found.
shouls
manage to limit violent website.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are factor
Possible spelling mistake found.
wich
have a deal of influence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
understanding view and
Possible spelling mistake found.
bieng
friend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and behave in a more appropriate manner.
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IELTS essay Society today has more problems with the behaviour of teenager than in the past. what do you think are the cause of this? what solution can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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