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society is becoming obsessed with material goods like cars, designes clothes, jwellery we have stopped caring about the important things that's why divorce rate are so high and family bonds are not strong anymore our value system is disintegrated. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Now a days technology developed day by day. It invents various material goods, which attract to the individuals. these attractive things obsessed to the general public, and public become careless about their relation s because of this family bonds are becoming weak and divorce rate increase day by day. I am completely agree with the statement and reasons of my view point i will discuss in subsequent paragraphs. To begin with the reasons of the problems which is faced by the people because of material goods. First of all, the whole community is busy in their professional life. As, they want ti buy material goods, which can make their life comfortable. Howevere, they spend their whole day on work hard to achieve these things, that's why they have stopped sharing their views with their family, as well as they have no too much time to doing this type activities, which are necessary to make strong family bonds. Sometimes, because of work burden, they feel stressful and they start talking angerily with their family members that's why family bonds are becoming weak. For instence, in modern era, parents are also impressed by material goods, they have no time to give their children but they tried to fulfill their all needs, it makes children materialistic and greedy which are also danger things for family bonds
Did you mean “nowadays”?
Now a days
technology developed day by day. It invents various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, which attract to the individuals.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
these
attractive things obsessed to the
Consider using only “public” to avoid wordiness.
general public
, and public become careless about their relation s
because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds are becoming weak and divorce rate increase day by day. I am completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and reasons of my view point
Did you mean “I”?
i
will discuss in subsequent paragraphs. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the reasons of the problems which
is faced
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, the whole community is busy in their professional life. As, they want ti
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life comfortable.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Howevere
, they spend their whole day on work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve these things, that's why they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
sharing their views with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
as well
as they have no too much time to doing this type activities, which are necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of work burden, they feel
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stressful and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
talking
Possible spelling mistake found.
angerily
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members that's why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds are becoming weak. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
instence
, in modern era, parents are
also
impressed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, they have no time to give their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they tried to fulfill their all needs, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
children materialistic and greedy which are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
things for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
bonds
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IELTS essay society is becoming obsessed with material goods like cars, designes clothes, jwellery we have stopped caring about the important things that's why divorce rate are so high and family bonds are not strong anymore our value system is disintegrated.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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