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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? yl1d
Social media are a platform which is being immensely popular between all generations. We often share our personal data on this platform instead of thinking the consequences. Sometimes, it may go wrong and can bring many risks. I will be discussing, there are many disadvantages can be found specially destroying privacy but advantages are also priceless and impossible to ignore. Recently using social media like Facebook, tweeter, Instagram have been increased rapidly even Instagram users have been increased 30% between 2017 and 2020. However, people used to update their daily activity in social media which can go wrong anytime because in many ways we are loosing our privacy. For example, Sometimes we share our car photos, house photos even bedroom photos. Not only all of these but also there are many people around us actively share their location by posting Instagram status or Facebook status which can be really harmful and dangerous. If we look at the statistics, there are many incidents happened like hacking bank account, black mailing even kidnapping. Social media's activities helped hacker to know the certain person and it's not rare happening. Beside all of these using social apps are destroying our family and friends bonding in dinning or ground. For example, while all family members are having dinner together, it is not rare that someone will be busy to update social media dinner status and other example a group of friends is travelling and not busy updating in their social media is impossible. There are no doubts and no ways to disagree that the beauty of social media has shown us many new innovations and new ways of modern life. Moreover, internationally we are being more social and it's being vastly easier to know about other cultures and behaviors. In addition, people are now available to build relation all over the world. In conclusion, though social media he made some positive great impacts to out society and create a boundless connection but it has many risks if it's not used in proper way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are a platform which is being
immensely
popular between all generations. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
share our personal data on this platform
instead
of thinking the consequences.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it may go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. I will be discussing, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages can
be found
specially
destroying privacy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
advantages are
also
priceless and impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.

Recently using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like Facebook, tweeter, Instagram have
been increased
rapidly
even Instagram users have
been increased
30% between 2017 and 2020.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to update their daily activity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
which can go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
anytime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
we are loosing our privacy.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we share our car photos,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
photos even bedroom photos. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
all of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around us
actively
share their location by posting Instagram status or Facebook status which can be
really
harmful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. If we look at the statistics, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
incidents happened like hacking bank account, black mailing even kidnapping.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
media's activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
hacker to know the certain person and it's not rare happening. Beside all of these using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
apps are destroying our family and friends bonding in dinning or ground.
For example
, while all family members are having dinner together, it is not rare that someone will be busy to update
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
dinner status and other example a group of friends is travelling and not busy updating in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is impossible.

There are no doubts and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to disagree that the beauty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has shown us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new innovations and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of modern life.
Moreover
,
internationally
we are being more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and it's being
vastly
easier to know about other cultures and behaviors.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available to build relation all over the world.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
he made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
great impacts to out society and create a boundless connection
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
if it's not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
.
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IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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