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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantage

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantage 1wyy
There is no doubt that advancement in modern technology has completely evolved the way information is shared and processed. However, some people think that it is not safe to share personal data online. I personally thinks that merits of social sites are more than its demerits. Firstly, communication has improved significantly with the advent of social media sites. As it becomes much more easier to interact with someone from any part of the world with the help of social tools like WhatsApp, Facebook, twitter and so on. Moreover, this tools also helps to reach wider audience and in this way retailer, manufacturers can advertise their product or service to millions of people with no cost. Secondly, social media made it possible to buy and sell things online, which is a great blessing in today’s working environment as both men and women are working and did not have enough time to do basic things such as going to store to buy groceries and shopping. Thus, social websites is a real boon and we cannot imagine our life without it. However, one cannot denied from the fact that online tools has my dire consequences as it is more prone to scams and scandals. It can be pernicious to share personal information on websites as there are chances that it can be stealed by website hackers who can use the information for personal benefits. To illustrate this, In March 2020 CERB is provided by the Canadian government to support workers who have lost their job due to covid-19. Website hacker took advantage of it by hijacking individual’s CRA account and obtained money from other person identity, even without their knowledge. So, we must be careful while giving personal detail on online sites. In conclusion, social media improves communication and comparatively reduces workload from past but one must be carefully evaluated any site before using any website as there are chances that information can be stolen by scammers.
There is no doubt that advancement in modern technology has completely evolved the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is shared
and processed.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not safe to share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. I
personally
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "think".
thinks
that merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sites are more than its demerits.

Firstly
, communication has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
significantly
with the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media sites. As it becomes much
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
to interact with someone from any part of the world with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
tools like WhatsApp, Facebook, twitter and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
, this tools
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to reach wider audience and in this way retailer, manufacturers can advertise their product or service to millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with no cost.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media made it possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and sell things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, which is a great blessing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s working environment as both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are working and did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to do basic things such as going to store to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
groceries and shopping.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites is a real
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
boon and
we cannot imagine our life without it.

However
, one cannot
The verb 'cannot' requires the base form of the verb: "deny"
denied
from the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
tools has my dire consequences as it is more prone to scams and scandals. It can be pernicious to share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on websites as there are chances that it can be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "stole", the past tense form of the verb 'steal'?
stealed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
website
hackers who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
benefits. To illustrate this, In March 2020
Possible spelling mistake found.
CERB
is provided
by the Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to support workers who have lost their job due to
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Website
hacker took advantage of it by hijacking individual’s CRA account and obtained money from other person identity, even without their knowledge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be careful while giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
detail on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
sites.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
communication and
comparatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
workload from past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
carefully
evaluated any site
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
using any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
website
as there are chances that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be stolen
by scammers.
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IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantage

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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