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social media has become a real problem for some young people today ,and government should create a law that allow people over 18 have account

social media has become a real problem for some young people today, and government should create a law that allow people over 18 have account LLg2K
With the aid of the technology, the mass media has become a considerable issue for the youngsters. Some people believe that it is responsible for government to promulgate a law which people aged over 18 have accounts. From my perspective, i believe that it offers pros and cons There are several reasons why people think that social media can pose a great threat to young people. Firstly, juvenile easily lost personal information because they have a tendency to acess to strange websites by their curiousity. Secondly, children easily dismiss face-to –face communication or soft skills if they just immerse in the internet. Therefore, they are used to emoticon icons (emoticons with keyboard characters), which reading other people's body language will be very weak. This way makes children lack of sophistication. It is responsible for not only official figures but also their parents to guide to use social media rationally. Despite the aforementioned argument, it seems to me that there are numerous positive effects of the use social media on adolescents. First, the mass media enable children to have acess easily to lastest information with less money and effort. Young people preparing presentation, for example, can grasp insight into diversfied knowledge compared to the past with textbooks being the only means. Another benefit is that people aged under 18 have a right to freedom of speech if they have a own account. They can give their idea about hot trend or problem through Facebook account, thus creating multi-dimensional viewing angle to people. By a way of illustration, children could improve their writing skills as well as critical thinking if they frequently give sharp comments on social networks In conclusion, social media is not total harm to children. Children under 18 age should be encouraged using the internet reasonally instead of banning it
With the aid of the technology, the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has become a considerable issue for the youngsters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is responsible for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to promulgate a law which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged over 18 have accounts. From my perspective,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that it offers pros and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
cons


There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can pose a great threat to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, juvenile
easily
lost personal information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a tendency to
Possible spelling mistake found.
acess
to strange websites by their
Possible spelling mistake found.
curiousity
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
easily
dismiss face-to –face communication or soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
immerse
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
.
Therefore
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to emoticon icons (emoticons with keyboard characters), which reading other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's body language will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
weak. This way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack of sophistication. It is responsible for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
official figures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their parents to guide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
rationally
.

Despite the aforementioned argument, it seems to me that there are numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
on adolescents.
First
, the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have
Possible spelling mistake found.
acess
easily
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
lastest
information with less money and effort. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preparing presentation,
for example
, can grasp insight into
Possible spelling mistake found.
diversfied
knowledge compared to the past with textbooks being the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
means. Another benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged under 18 have a right to freedom of speech if they have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
account. They can give their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about hot trend or problem through Facebook account,
thus
creating multi-dimensional viewing angle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By a way of illustration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as critical thinking if they
frequently
give sharp comments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is not total harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
under 18 age should
be encouraged
using the internet
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonally
instead
of banning
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it
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IELTS essay social media has become a real problem for some young people today, and government should create a law that allow people over 18 have account

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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