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Nowadays in some corners of the world, the amount of 20-to-30-years-old people is relatively higher than that of the older generation

Nowadays in some corners of the world, the amount of 20-to-30-years-old people is relatively higher than that of the older generation XyM2E
Nowadays in some corners of the world, the amount of 20-to-30-years-old people is relatively higher than that of the older generation. This essay will consider the advantages and disadvantages of such occasion and decide whether it is positive or negative. First of all, the young generation is constantly dynamic, energetic and be able to stimulate the production or job sectors of the nation and this gives a boom positive impact on the economic development of the country. Moreover, young adults come up with extraordinary ideas and are free from old superstitions and traditional beliefs. Typically, Educated young generation is the best resource a nation can have and their dedication to their country is significantly larger than the participation of child or elderly. The children are the bright future of a country and the elder people have already contributed. On other hand, the majority average age of young generation is considered as 30 years of age which mean they are in childbearing age therefore the country is commonly under pressure by the densely populated, due to this situation the depletion of natural resources is inevitable. Futhermore, young people are mostly aggressive so their aggressiveness will lead to some of the consequence and associated corruption will be the darkest situation for not only that nation but also affect to it’s continents. However, compare to their previous generation, they have already done their part of reforming the country. They are highly rated to be fit for the decision of making position and the tax their have paid their entire life made the progress of the country as much as possible. To conclude, older generation should not be rated as a burden for their country, contrastly, the young have more time to dedicate to the society and the nation as well. This is the reason why it is more beneficial for a country to have an active workforce than dependent senior citizens.
Nowadays in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
corners of the world, the amount of 20-to-30-years-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
relatively
higher than that of the older generation. This essay will consider the advantages and disadvantages of such occasion and decide whether it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is
constantly
dynamic, energetic and be able to stimulate the production or job sectors of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and this gives a boom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the economic development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with extraordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and are free from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
superstitions and traditional beliefs.
Typically
, Educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is the best resource a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can have and their dedication to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
significantly
larger than the participation of child or elderly. The children are the bright future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have already contributed. On other hand, the majority average age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
is considered
as 30 years of age which mean they are in childbearing age
therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
commonly
under pressure by the
densely
populated, due to this situation the depletion of natural resources is inevitable.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
mostly
aggressive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their aggressiveness will lead to
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
consequence and associated corruption will be the darkest situation for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affect
Did you mean "to its continents"?
to it’s continents
.

However
, compare to their previous generation, they have already done their part of reforming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They are
highly
rated to
be fit
for the decision of making position and the tax their have paid their entire life made the progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as much as possible.

To conclude
, older generation should not
be rated
as a burden for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
contrastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
have more time to dedicate to the society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
as well
. This is the reason why it is more beneficial for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to have an active workforce than dependent senior citizens.
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IELTS essay Nowadays in some corners of the world, the amount of 20-to-30-years-old people is relatively higher than that of the older generation

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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