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Social media effect on young people nowadays

Social media effect on young people nowadays 7rw2A
These days, accompanying with the developement of Internet, people, especially the young have been accessing with plenty of platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok, . . There are numerous controversial opinions occuring around whether social media have good impacts or on the contrary. From an individual level, I strongly believe that it has both of benificial also detrimental ways on young people. First of all, we all can’t deny that social media not only helps our daily life becomes more and more convenient but also reduces the amount of time doing tasks. We are always able to keep in touch with people from very far distance by texting, calling even by video, …and moreover we can finalise our working parts conveniently when we’re at home. Right now when Covid 19 is spreading out rapidly, students and teachers are forced to be at home but due to the social apps such as Zoom, Team, . . the ciruculumns still occur normally as they did before. Moreover, the variety of information on social platforms is unlimited so as a result, it assists everybody widen their knowledge in term of many different fields by choosing whatever topics they want to firgue out. Therefore, we can find it utterly entertaning while using Internet social media that lessen our stress on a daily basis when we surf the Facebook or post an Instagram pics and make Tiktok video with several contents. Beside the advantages of social media brings for us, there are some disadvantages which we have to mention. Glueing your eyes all day on the screen may cause a few health issues like visual impairment or obesity. The young have encountered with these problems because they rely on inactive lifestyle too much. They want to stay at home and waste their precious leisure time to use social media as much as possible instead of taking part outdoor activities. Staying up late is really harmful to the health, especially, the brain. If the young do not sleep enough, their health will be affected seriously by losing weight or always feeling tired. Their brains also will not work effectively and they will be in sleepy condition. A conducted survey shows that teenagers are facing up with depression and suicide more than ever because they avoid interacting with their families and tend to chat with their friends on the Internet, comment on other people’s posts. Sometimes conflicts will happen between the teenagers that encourage school bullying. The victims may feel under pressure, stressed and depressed. These mental problems are very dangerous because the young people lose their minds and eventually, choose death. In conclusion, although using social media has various benefits in our lives, addiction to social media is not good. It will have awful influences on studying, make we live another way from reality and have bad effects on mental health. In order to avoid being depended on social media, young people should spend more time playing sports, studying and taking part in activities in schools.
These days,
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanying by".
accompanying with
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
developement
of Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
have been accessing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of platforms such as Facebook, Instagram,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tiktok
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
There are numerous controversial opinions
Possible spelling mistake found.
occuring
around whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impacts or
on the contrary
. From an individual level, I
strongly
believe that it has both of
Possible spelling mistake found.
benificial
also
detrimental ways on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we all can’t deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
our daily life becomes more and more convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the amount of time doing tasks. We are always able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
far distance by texting, calling even by video, …and
moreover
we can
Possible spelling mistake. 'finalise' is British English.
finalise
our working parts
conveniently
when we’re at home. Right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
when
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid 19
is spreading out
rapidly
, students and teachers
are forced
to be at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
apps such as Zoom, Team
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ciruculumns
still
occur
normally
as they did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Moreover
, the variety of information on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms
is unlimited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as a result
, it assists everybody
The pronoun 'everybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "widens", "widened".
widen
their knowledge in term of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields by choosing whatever topics they want to
Possible spelling mistake found.
firgue
out.
Therefore
, we can find it
utterly
Possible spelling mistake found.
entertaning
while using Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
that lessen our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on a daily basis when we surf the Facebook or post an Instagram pics and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tiktok
video with several contents.

Beside the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
brings for us, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages which we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
mention.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Glueing
your eyes all day on the screen may cause a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues like visual impairment or obesity. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
have encountered with these problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they rely on inactive lifestyle too much. They want to stay at home and waste their precious leisure time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
as much as possible
instead
of taking part outdoor activities. Staying up late is
really
harmful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
especially
, the brain. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
do not sleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
seriously
by losing weight or always feeling tired. Their brains
also
will not work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
effectively and
they will be in sleepy condition. A conducted survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are facing up with depression and suicide more than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they avoid interacting with their families and tend to chat with their friends on the Internet, comment on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
posts.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
conflicts will happen between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
that encourage school bullying. The victims may feel under pressure,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and depressed. These mental problems are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their minds and
eventually
, choose death.

In conclusion
, although using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has various benefits in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. It will have awful influences on studying,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
another way from reality and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In order to avoid
being depended
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend more time playing sports, studying and taking part in activities in schools.
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IELTS essay Social media effect on young people nowadays

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
500 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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