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Social media caused violence in society

Social media caused violence in society jdLlM
There are different views of Violence that happened in the present time. Some people believe that it caused by violence in entertaining media such as flims or news. However, others think that social problems affected the violence in society. In my opinion, social problems have more direct effect on violence behavior in society. The major social problems occurred in society are poverty and unemployment problems. Some people may encounter the lack of money and insufficient food, so those people have no choice. For this reason some of them have decided to steal or rob. Additionally, these problems can cause stress and mental illness issues. In society, there is aspect of violence which is mostly appeared in media. I believe that violence on media does not have the severe effect. For instance, some movies contains a lot of violence even the movies that target for children. However, if their parent look after them all the time, and give positive advice during watching those movies, these is the way to reduce the violent behavior for their kids. As It mentioned previously, people who encountered poverty situation cannot afford media from internet or television. According to their struggled life, working all day for money make them have no time to relax and get violent behavior from media. Although they do not gain violence from the media directly, they usually absorb that violence from the fundamental social problems anyway.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
that happened in the present time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
flims
or news.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in society. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
have more direct effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
behavior in society.

The major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
occurred in society are poverty and unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may encounter the lack of money and insufficient food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no choice.
For this reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have decided to steal or rob.
Additionally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and mental illness issues.

In society, there is aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
which is
mostly
appeared in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
does not have the severe effect.

For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
movies contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
even the movies that target for children.
However
, if their parent look after them all the time, and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
advice during watching those movies,
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "these am", "these are", "these aren"?
these is
the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the violent behavior for their kids.

As It mentioned previously,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who encountered poverty situation cannot afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
from internet or television. According to their struggled life, working all day for money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them have no time to relax and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
violent behavior from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. Although they do not gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
directly
, they
usually
absorb that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
from the fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
anyway.
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IELTS essay Social media caused violence in society

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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