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enterprises in this day and age are trying to accentuate their goods in an innovative

enterprises in this day and age are trying to accentuate their goods in an innovative m20lO
There is an inevitable fact that advertisement now is playing a crucial role in commercial service in order to attract customers. Therefore, enterprises in this day and age are trying to accentuate their goods in an innovative way at all costs so that they are able to increase their revenue. While there are some drawbacks of this phenomenon, I would argue that the advantages are more than compensate for any disadvantages. In this essay, I am going to discuss a number of benefits and downsides of this trend. Let begin by looking at the upside of commercializing products as a novelty. One of the main beneficial effects is the customers’ rights. Which I mean that when firm publicize a merchandise as an innovation, their consumers could be attracted by those. And this is an opportunity for them to approach products with the cutting-edge functions. Moreover, the more customers are attracted the more revenue has been increased. In other words, people always have demands to experience new things. Thus, when a ground-breaking product is commercialized consumers will tend to purchase and experience that merchandise. This result in sale increasing for business which partly contribute to the nation’s economic growth. Apple, a mobile company, for instance, recently has launched a brand-new phone with three cameras and spent about 50 million on its marketing. With that interesting appearance and commercial, millions technophile were attracted and its total net sales in 2020 amounted more than 200 billion USD. On the other hand, despite these merits some demerits do exist which is impulsive purchasing. To be more specific, there are some people who fully trust in advert and always want to buy the newest products they might purchase for everything they see on the internet or TV advertisement. This leads to the issues that they will buy goods that unnecessary. Moreover, firm commercial also has its adverse aspect. Because of the competition in company turnover, some fraud producers can create hoax commercials to trick their clients. As a result of this, customers may mistakenly enjoy the products which are full of flaws. In a nut shell, in the light of aforementioned reason, I am convinced that the advantageous of pointing out the innovation of merchandise are more notable that its negative effects. Having said that, the disadvantages of this trend should not be overlooked and should be tackled in the long term.
There is an inevitable fact that advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is playing a crucial role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
service in order to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
.
Therefore
, enterprises in this day and age are trying to accentuate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
Consider replacing "in an innovative way" with the adverb for "innovative"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an innovative way
at all costs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are able to increase their revenue. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of this phenomenon, I would argue that the advantages are more than compensate for any disadvantages. In this essay, I am going to discuss a number of benefits and downsides of this trend.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at the upside of commercializing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as a novelty. One of the main beneficial effects is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers’
rights. Which I mean that when firm publicize a merchandise as an innovation, their consumers could
be attracted
by those. And this is an opportunity for them to approach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with the cutting-edge functions.
Moreover
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
are attracted
the more revenue has
been increased
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always have demands to experience new things.
Thus
, when a ground-breaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is commercialized
consumers will tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and experience that merchandise. This result in sale increasing for business which partly contribute to the nation’s economic growth. Apple, a mobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
for instance
, recently has launched a brand-new phone with three cameras and spent about 50 million on its marketing. With that interesting appearance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
, millions technophile
were attracted
and its total net sales in 2020 amounted more than 200 billion USD.

On the other hand
, despite these merits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits do exist which is impulsive purchasing. To be more specific, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
fully
trust in advert and always want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the newest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
for everything they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on the internet or TV advertisement. This leads to the issues that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that unnecessary.
Moreover
, firm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
also
has its adverse aspect.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the competition in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
turnover,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fraud producers can create hoax commercials to trick their clients.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
may
mistakenly
enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are full of flaws.

In a nut shell, in the light of aforementioned reason, I
am convinced
that
The phrase 'the advantageous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the advantageous of
pointing out the innovation of merchandise are more notable that its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. Having said that, the disadvantages of this trend should not
be overlooked
and should
be tackled
in the long term.
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IELTS essay enterprises in this day and age are trying to accentuate their goods in an innovative

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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