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So in my opinion, it would be better if the capital is deposited in a bank or kept in another place.As for the expenditure for the initial steps spent is just what is needed,no need to spend the salary on excess consumptive things.

So in my opinion, it would be better if the capital is deposited in a bank or kept in another place. As for the expenditure for the initial steps spent is just what is needed, no need to spend the salary on excess consumptive things. WyqJ5
if in my view, it would be better if the salary is deposited in a bank or with other savings allocations. Because by doing this activity there will be many benefits that we will get, for example, such as we can ask for the wealth we have, have a reserve fund, learn to be independent, learn wage at a sudden, invest and many other benefits. If there are other people who think that the pay should be spent whenever it is available, If in my opinion, it might be a step if it does not count between savings and expenses. By balancing, we can easily register and publish from our own bill. And there are also people who assume why we save cash, if every month we will receive more from us. Because making payment people will continue to come from their income every month and they can use buy things that do not include items purchased for use in their daily lives. Property is one important aspect of our lives. Without us knowing, we all love salary. Therefore many people work hard to earn lots of funds. If we are a person who does not think the bill should be spent whenever it is available, but still we will improve it if we cannot use our own payment. So in my opinion, it would be better if the capital is deposited in a bank or kept in another place. As for the expenditure for the initial steps spent is just what is needed, no need to spend the salary on excess consumptive things.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
in my view, it would be better if the salary
is deposited
in a bank or with other savings allocations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
by doing this activity there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits that we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
,
for example
, such as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
the wealth we have, have a reserve fund, learn to be independent, learn wage at a sudden, invest and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other benefits.

If there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the pay should
be spent
whenever it is available, If in my opinion, it might be a step if it does not count between savings and expenses. By balancing, we can
easily
register and publish from our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bill. And there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who assume why we save cash, if every month we will receive more from us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
making payment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from their income every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
month and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that do not include items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Property is one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Without us knowing, we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
salary.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn lots of funds. If we are a person who does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the bill should
be spent
whenever it is available,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it if we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
payment.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion, it would be better if the capital
is deposited
in a bank or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in another place. As for the expenditure for the initial steps spent is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
what
is needed
, no need to spend the salary on excess consumptive things.
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IELTS essay So in my opinion, it would be better if the capital is deposited in a bank or kept in another place. As for the expenditure for the initial steps spent is just what is needed, no need to spend the salary on excess consumptive things.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • So in my opinion, it would be better if the capital is deposited in a bank or kept in another place.As for the expenditure for the initial steps spent is just what is needed,no need to spend the salary on excess consumptive things.