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Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people, with potentially serious effects on their health.

Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people, with potentially serious effects on their health. p5nn9
Many of our younger generation are exposed to unhealthy habits like smoking due to many reasons. They may have picked up cigarette smoking from their peers, family members or popular personalities that they look up to. Advertisements in TV or in the Internet may also give them the impression that smoking tobacco is acceptable and without any harmful side effects. Some troubled young adults may have taken into smoking to deal with stresses in their lives. I think that there are lots of ways to decrease the popularity of cigarette smoking to the young people through proper education and imposing smoking restrictions, among others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of our younger generation
are exposed
to unhealthy habits like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. They may have picked up cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
from their peers, family members or popular personalities that they look up to. Advertisements in TV or
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
may
also
give them the impression that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
tobacco is acceptable and without any harmful side effects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
troubled young adults may have taken into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
to deal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are lots of ways to decrease the popularity of cigarette
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
to the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
through proper education and imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
restrictions, among others.

IELTS essay Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people, with potentially serious effects on their health.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
104 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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