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Smoking is dangerous for health but still some companies gain hansome profit

Smoking is dangerous for health but still some companies gain hansome profit pJQE0

Although, big industries achieve huge profits from selling cigarettes meanwhile a lot of people suffer from it. According to my perception smoking is injurious to health whatever on the other hand people who are addicted to it purchase it from the market and inhale it and as a result, it affects both human health and environmental pollution as well. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:hugeenormousgiganticvast
big
 industries achieve huge profits from selling cigarettes meanwhile This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 suffer from it. According to my perception smoking is injurious to health whatever on the other hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 who are addicted
 to it This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
purchase
 it from the market and inhale it and as a result
, it affects both human health and environmental pollution as well
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IELTS essay Smoking is dangerous for health but still some companies gain hansome profit

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

133 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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