Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Smart phones are considered by many an essential gadget for all , including children ; however others disagree , highlighting the detrimental effects of mobile phones. In my opinion, a controlled usage not only can combat the deleterious side-effects but also be quite beneficial to children

Smart phones are considered by many an essential gadget for all, including children; however others disagree, highlighting the detrimental effects of mobile phones. In my opinion, a controlled usage not only can combat the deleterious side-effects but also be quite beneficial to children 856pw
On the one hand, some argue that mobile phones are a prime source of distraction offering many content from videos, games and apps to chats, that imparts no useful knowledge to children and thus affecting their academic performance in the long run. Moreover, smartphones expose children to a world of social media and they can easily become an easy target of paedophiles who use the internet to keep their identity hidden to lure the innocent ones. Lastly, mobile phones encourage a sedentary lifestyle as children refrain from engaging in physical activities, such as: swimming or football, leading to an increase in childhood obesity. Additionally, spending long time on such device can bring about other health hazards include eye strain and chronic fatigue that could be ultimately deleterious. On the other hand, others shed light on the associated benefits. Cellular phones can immensely help in regards to furthering youngsters’ education, as they have access to multiple innovative learning resources and e-books, that they probably cannot get in a traditional classroom. Furthermore, they can be a useful safety gadget, providing instant communication at all times, especially in periods of security crisis; bringing peace to parents in regards to the whereabouts of their kids. Finally, in my opinion, controlled, timed and supervised usage of cell phones can be advantageous to children as they will learn that healthy engagement can lead to them reaping the most benefits of this technology. Additionally, a child lock on certain websites set by the parents can keep their mind at ease from online predators. In conclusion, I strongly believe if the youngsters were to follow their parent’s strict guidelines, they are not at a detrimental risk from cell phones
On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are a prime source of distraction offering
Possible agreement error. The noun content seems to be countable; consider using: "many contents".
many content
from videos, games and apps to chats, that imparts no useful knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
thus
affecting their academic performance in the long run.
Moreover
, smartphones expose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a world of social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
media and
they can
easily
become an easy target of
Possible spelling mistake. 'paedophiles' is British English.
paedophiles
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their identity hidden to lure the innocent ones.
Lastly
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
encourage a sedentary lifestyle as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
refrain from engaging in physical activities, such as: swimming or football, leading to an increase in childhood obesity.
Additionally
, spending long time on such device can bring about other health hazards include eye strain and chronic fatigue that could be
ultimately
deleterious.

On the other hand
, others shed light on the associated benefits. Cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
furthering youngsters’ education, as they have access to multiple innovative learning resources and e-books, that they
probably
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in a traditional classroom.
Furthermore
, they can be a useful safety gadget, providing instant communication at all times,
especially
in periods of security crisis; bringing peace to parents
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
the whereabouts of their kids.

Finally
, in my opinion, controlled, timed and supervised usage of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be advantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they will learn that healthy engagement can lead to them reaping the most benefits of this technology.
Additionally
, a child lock on certain websites set by the parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their mind at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
from online predators.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe if the youngsters were to follow their parent’s strict guidelines, they are not at a detrimental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
from cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Smart phones are considered by many an essential gadget for all, including children; however others disagree, highlighting the detrimental effects of mobile phones. In my opinion, a controlled usage not only can combat the deleterious side-effects but also be quite beneficial to children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts