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Sleep in a quiet room or not.

Sleep in a quiet room or not. AjWbM
Sleep it's one of our basic needs. Everybody needs to sleep at least some hours every day to ensure their wellbeing. However every person has different ways and habits to sleep and not all can get into bed, close their eyes and automatically nod off till next day. Firstly, some people have severe problems to sleep and when they finally do it, they end waking for the slightly sound and get troubles to sleep again. Therefore they need a place like a quiet room or a bedroom with no noise and no light so they can go to sleep peacefully. Secondly, other people don't have that type of problem at all, they can sleep on a quiet room as well as noisy place and there is not gonna be any difference in their sleep schedule. Finally, I got use to sleep with a noisy background since I was a kid so I never care too much while I have a bed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sleep
it's one of our basic needs. Everybody needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
at least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hours every day to ensure their
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
every person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways and habits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and not all can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into bed, close their eyes and
automatically
nod off till
next
day.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have severe problems to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and when they
finally
do it, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
waking for the
slightly
sound and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
troubles to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
again.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they need a place like a quiet room or a bedroom with no noise and no light
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
peacefully
.

Secondly
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't have that type of problem at all, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
on a quiet room
as well
as noisy place and there is not
The word 'gonna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
gonna
be any difference in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
schedule.

Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
with a noisy background since I was a kid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I never care too much while I have a bed.

IELTS essay Sleep in a quiet room or not.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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