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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it a responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it a responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? AX9L
In todays world there is a debate about the division of wealth between nations. Some people believe that it is the question of justices to provide poor countries with food and education, others are sure that only the governments of such countries are responsible for controlling their citizens. It seems to me that the first statement is more prudent. First of all, we live at the age of interconnection, or even more- we are the part of one community, we are human beings. Despite the fact that people are different we all have the same biology and needs. Moreover, as far as I am concerned everyone should do his/her best to make our world a better place. Secondly, it is obvious that some poor economies are suffering from lack of having enough facilities and resources in the fields such as education and food and they have no chance to survive on their own. As a result the level of criminal actions raises, people die in torment. Summing up, supporting countries with poor economy will cause the reduction of the world level of poverty, the development of interethnic communications and, most importantly, this will contribute to the development of humanity.
In
todays
world there is a debate about the division of wealth between nations.
Some
people
believe that it is the question of justices to provide poor countries with food and education, others are sure that
only
the
governments
of such countries are responsible for controlling their citizens. It seems to me that the
first
statement is more prudent.

First of all
, we
live
at the age of interconnection, or even more- we are the part of one community, we are human beings. Despite the fact that
people
are
different
we all have the same biology and needs.
Moreover
, as far as I
am concerned
everyone should do his/her best to
make
our world a better place.

Secondly
, it is obvious that
some
poor economies are suffering from lack of having
enough
facilities and resources in the fields such as education and
food and
they have no chance to survive on their
own
.
As a result
the level of criminal actions raises,
people
die
in torment.

Summing up, supporting countries with poor economy will cause the reduction of the world level of poverty, the development of
interethnic
communications and, most
importantly
, this will contribute to the development of humanity.
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IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it a responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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