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Many high school students take part time jobs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Many high school students take part time jobs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? 2Ldo
The majority of senior secondary pupils tend to do a job in their spare time. Although this trend is gaining popularity among learners, this habit has numerous positive and negative impacts on them. This essay will analysed both sides in the upcoming stanzas. To begin with, having a part time work while studying not only helps to maintain financial situation of the students but also provide work experience to them. To elaborate further, high school pupils are no longer depend on their guardians for their pocket money. They start to manage their own expenses with the helps of earning income. As a result, they try to avoid squander their hard earned money on useless things. For instance, a survey conducted by the Cambridge University has revealed that more than 60% students around the world are paying their school fees and handling other charges by their own salary merely. Apart from this, many students like to do a job for obtaining work and social experience, which could be beneficial for them in their future life. Therefore, part time job has benefits for students which make them mature at early stage of life. Nevertheless, pupils who are studying at secondary level having certain problems due to take part time work. Firstly, they do not have sufficient time to focus on their study. After having school they should have to spend a few hours at workplace. Thus, they are unable to complete their school tasks which effect on student's performance at school. Secondly, owing to hectic schedule and without taking enough break for relaxing, they might be mentally and physically fatigue. This will be the cause of having stress and anxiety for a long time among them. Besides these, there are more chances of misusing of the earned money by the students. They perhaps become drug or alcoholic addict as they will spend on these things without any trepidation. Hence, part time work influence on student's personal and academic life negatively. To recapitulate, in today's epoch most of the high school's students are looking for part time work for establishing themselves in younger age and sharing their parents financial burden. However they must impart some time for them to keep themselves active and attain high grade in exam rather than running behind a few hours job.
The majority of senior secondary pupils tend to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Although this trend is gaining popularity among learners, this habit has numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on them. This essay will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "analyse"
analysed
both sides in the upcoming stanzas.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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having
a
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part
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time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while studying not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to maintain financial situation of the
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students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide
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work
experience to them. To elaborate
further
, high
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school
pupils are no longer depend on their guardians for their pocket money. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
expenses with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
of earning income.
As a result
, they try to avoid squander their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money on useless things.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the Cambridge University has revealed that more than 60%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
around the world are paying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
fees and handling other charges by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
salary
merely
. Apart from this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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students
like to do a
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job
for obtaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and social experience, which could be beneficial for them in their future life.
Therefore
,
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has benefits for
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students
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them mature at early stage of life.

Nevertheless
, pupils who are studying at secondary level
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having
certain problems due to take
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Firstly
, they do not have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to focus on their study.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a few hours at workplace.
Thus
, they are unable to complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
tasks which effect on student's performance at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Secondly
, owing to hectic schedule and without taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
break for relaxing, they might be mentally and
physically
fatigue. This will be the cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
among them.
Besides
these, there are more chances of misusing of the earned money by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. They perhaps become drug or alcoholic addict as they will spend on these things without any trepidation.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
influence on student's personal and academic life
negatively
.

To recapitulate, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's epoch most of the high school's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for establishing themselves in younger age and sharing their parents financial burden.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
impart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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time
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves active and attain high grade in exam
rather
than running behind a few hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay Many high school students take part time jobs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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