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should therefore force all teenagers to do unpaid work

should therefore force all teenagers to do unpaid work VPl8A
Many young people work on a volunteer basis, and this can only be beneficial for both the individual and society as a whole. However, I do not agree that we should therefore force all teenagers to do unpaid work. Most young people are already under enough pressure with their studies, without being given the added responsibility of working in their spare time. School is just as demanding as a full-time job, and teachers expect their students to do homework and exam revision on top of attending lessons every day. When young people do have some free time, we should encourage them to enjoy it with their friends or to spend it doing sports and other leisure activities. They have many years of work ahead of them when they finish their studies. At the same time, I do not believe that society has anything to gain from obliging young people to do unpaid work. In fact, I would argue that it goes against the values of a free and fair society to force a group of people to do something against their will. Doing this can only lead to resentment amongst young people, who would feel that they were being used, and parents, who would not want to be told how to raise their children. I totally disagree with the above opinion, I think thinking nobody is forced to volunteer, and this is surely the best system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work on a volunteer basis, and this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be beneficial for both the individual and society as a whole.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we should
therefore
force all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to do unpaid work.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are already under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
pressure with their studies, without being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
responsibility of working in their spare time. School is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as demanding as a full-time job, and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their students to do homework and exam revision on top of attending lessons every day. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free time, we should encourage them to enjoy it with their friends or to spend it doing sports and other leisure activities. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of work ahead of them when they finish their studies.

At the same time, I do not believe that society has anything to gain from obliging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do unpaid work. In fact, I would argue that it goes against the values of a free and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
society to force a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do something against their will. Doing this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to resentment amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who would feel that they were being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, and parents, who would not want to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
how to raise their children.

I
totally
disagree with the above opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
thinking nobody
is forced
to volunteer, and this is
surely
the best system.
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IELTS essay should therefore force all teenagers to do unpaid work

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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