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Should teenagers work while they are still at school?

Should teenagers work while they are still at school? 2bJkX
Some people think that students shouldn’t take jobs when they are at school. I completely disagree with this idea. Firstly, working students can earn money. They may pay the school fees or take this as pocket money. According to a survey at a college in Ho Chi Minh city, 93 percent of the students want to work, while 70 percent of the students want to work for the tuition. As we can see, not all parents can pay the bills for their children, so it’s commendable for students to work when they are still at school. Secondly, working students can develop various skills, from time management skills to communication skills, which they may not learn at school. Real-life experiences are something students can’t find in a book. They can also get work experiences that might be useful for their future jobs. For example, a future teacher can get experience by being a tutor for young students. In practice, most recruiters would like someone with experience. Finally, working students can stay away from many social problems. Under the discipline, they can avoid many bad problems. Instead of going to a party where everyone drinks alcohol, they work. If one’s has to study and work at the same time, he has less time to engage in harmful activities. In conclusion, I suppose students to work when they are still at schools. Sometimes it may be stressed. However, the money they earn, the experiences they gain are worth it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
shouldn’t take jobs when they are at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Firstly
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can earn money. They may pay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
fees or take this as pocket money. According to a survey at a college in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
, 93 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, while 70 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the tuition. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, not all parents can pay the bills for their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it’s commendable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when they are
still
at school.

Secondly
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can develop various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, from time management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which they may not learn at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Real-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can’t find in a book. They can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
that might be useful for their future jobs.
For example
, a future teacher can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
by being a tutor for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In practice, most recruiters would like someone with experience.

Finally
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can stay away from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social problems. Under the discipline, they can avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
problems.
Instead
of going to a party where everyone drinks alcohol, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. If one’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at the same time, he has less time to engage in harmful activities.

In conclusion
, I suppose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when they are
still
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.
However
, the money they earn, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
they gain are worth it.
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IELTS essay Should teenagers work while they are still at school?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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