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Should shops be closed on Sundays to give workers a break

Should shops be closed on Sundays to give workers a break 3x3kw
These days more and more shops work on Sundays, and as a result people do not have Enough breaks. It is argued by some people that shops need to be opened on Sundays. How ever I’m of the opinion that shops should be working on sundaes so that costumers can visit a shop any day. This essay will talk about this topic in detail. One reason that I believe that shops should be working on Sundays is that the income can rise significantly on weekends. If for example foreign people will come visit for the weekends they will have more options where to spend their money. As a result it will give the store an opportunity too get a bigger profit out of their sales. Another benefit of working on Sundays is that workers can get a higher salary from their sails. Because the salary depends on amount of products they sold. As a result workers get higher payments and shop gets more income. Having said that there are those who argue that shops should not work on Sundays. They believe that Sunday for the Christian religion, which is more widespread. This is God's day when people devote time to the creator and therefore they want to spend this day with their family. They’d why they think it is not the best option to work on Sundays. In conclusion having looked at this topic in detail, although it is true that Sunday considered as a religion and family day unbalance I’m the opinion that shops should work on Sunday the main reason is that the economy of shops and satisfaction of customers it is better to work on Sndays
These days more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
, and
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Enough
breaks. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
need to
be opened
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
.
Did you mean "however"?
How ever
I’m of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
should be working on sundaes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that costumers can visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
any day. This essay will talk about this topic in detail.

One reason that I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
should be working on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
is that the income can rise
significantly
on weekends. If
for example
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
visit for the weekends they will have more options where to spend their money.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result it will give the store an opportunity too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a bigger profit out of their sales.

Another benefit of working on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
is that workers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher salary from their sails.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the salary depends on amount of products they sold.
As a result
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher payments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more income.

Having said that there are those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
. They believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sunday
for the Christian religion, which is more widespread. This is God's day when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
devote time to the creator and
therefore
they want to spend this day with their family. They’d why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not the best option to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on Sundays.

In conclusion
having looked at this topic in detail, although it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sunday
considered as a religion and family day unbalance I’m the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sunday
the main reason is that the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and satisfaction of customers it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sndays
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IELTS essay Should shops be closed on Sundays to give workers a break

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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