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Animals are in danger because of human activity. Describe 3 ways we can help them.

Animals are in danger because of human activity. Describe 3 ways we can help them. pJ66y
It is undeniable that many species of animals are in danger of extinction due to human activities not only on land but also on the sea. There are many activities that affect the animal's existence and even their lifespan, but I want to mention some significant factores that have the most effect on their existance. Firstly, I think that one of the main reasons is that the number of illegal hunters is increasing day by day and they are hunted for many purposes. Hunting becomes a leisure time activity. The governments must set rules and regulations against hunting and control this activity due to the increase in the number of illegal hunting, and consequently the extinction of animal species. Secondly, the animal’s habitat is becoming worse and worse. Many factories dump their toxic wastes into the rivers and kills plenty of fishes. Every year many birds die due to air pollution caused by factories and vehicles. The last reason that I want to mention is that deforestation, and this may be the worst thing that we do against animal’s life, because forests are the main habitat of lots of animals in every corner of the world. To tackle these problems, we can take some precautionary including, prohibition of hunting wild animals, replanting trees, decreasing environmental pollution and so many other reasons.
It is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of extinction due to human
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activities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on land
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but
also
on the sea. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that affect the animal's existence and even their lifespan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I want to mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "factors", the plural form of the noun 'factor'?
factores
that have the most effect on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
existance
.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that one of the main reasons is that the number of illegal hunters is increasing day by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
they
are hunted
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
purposes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hunting
becomes a leisure time
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activity
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
and control this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
due to the increase in the number of illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
, and
consequently
the extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
habitat is becoming worse and worse.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
factories dump their toxic wastes into the rivers and kills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of fishes. Every year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
birds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
due to air pollution caused by factories and vehicles.

The last reason that I want to mention is that deforestation, and this may be the worst thing that we do against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
forests are the main habitat of lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in every corner of the world.

To tackle these problems, we can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
precautionary including, prohibition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, replanting trees, decreasing environmental pollution and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other reasons.
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IELTS essay Animals are in danger because of human activity. Describe 3 ways we can help them.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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