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Should all adult males join the army?

Should all adult males join the army? xDVVw
These days the world is getting more and more dangerous every second. As a result, people are worried about the difference of a country. It is argued by some people that all adult males ought to join the army. However, I hold the view that it should be personal chose. This essay will explain my opinion in more detail. One reason that I believe that adult males should not join the army is that they are physically unable to do thing that young people can. Aged people do not have such good physical fitness preparation, so they are weaker and unable to fight. As a result, adult males can be very badly affected on a war, which is not fair if your fighting with the person who is objectively vigorous. Another reason to support that adult males should not join the army is the everyone should have a personal choice. No one is allowed to force anyone to do things the don't want. Every person have right to go, join or do whatever their heart wants to and imposing people to join it is violating their personal decision. Having said that, there are those who argue that adults males should join the army and help their country as young people do. They believe that every person no matter of what age should pay a debt to the Motherland. in conclusion, having looked at this topic in detail, although it is true that people should pay debt to their country, on balance I am of the opinion that every person should have a personal choice and no one should influence that. The main reason is the all people have the right to choose, so if people want to join it's.
These days the world is getting more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
every second.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are worried
about the difference of a country. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that all adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
.
However
, I hold the view that it should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
chose. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my opinion in more detail. One reason that I believe that adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
is that they are
physically
unable to do thing that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can. Aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical fitness preparation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are weaker and unable to fight.
As a result
, adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
badly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
on a war, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
if your fighting with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who is
objectively
vigorous. Another reason to support that adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
is
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "everyone"?
the everyone
should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
choice. No one is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to force anyone to do things
Did you mean "they" or "that"?
the
don't want. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
have right to go,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
or do whatever their heart wants to and imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
it is violating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
decision. Having said that, there are those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their country as young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do. They believe that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
no matter of what age should pay a debt to the Motherland.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion, having looked at this topic in detail, although it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should pay debt to their country, on balance I am of the opinion that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
choice and no one should influence that. The main reason is the all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the right to choose,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
it's.
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IELTS essay Should all adult males join the army?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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