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Should people pay to visit tourist attractions such as museums and art galleries?

Should people pay to visit tourist attractions such as museums and art galleries? x27yw
I think tourist attractions should be more accessible to children, students and elderly people by giving them the chance of visiting museums and art galleries at a lower price. There could also be discounts for families and free admission days. On the other hand, more visitors would make museums more crowded and this would result in a less enjoyable experience. I think prices should apply to foreign visitors, for the most part, because they are actually the people most interested in exploring the cultural heritage of other countries. An entrance charge is necessary in order to protect institutions such as museums and art galleries. After all, we pay for every other cultural activity, for instance theatre, cinema, and so on. It seems quite reasonable to contribute to the financial needs of museums as well.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
tourist attractions should be more accessible to children, students and elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by giving them the chance of visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art galleries at a lower price. There could
also
be discounts for families and free admission days.
On the other hand
, more visitors would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
more crowded and this would result in a less enjoyable experience. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
prices should apply to foreign visitors,
for the most part
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are actually the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
most interested in exploring the cultural heritage of other countries. An entrance charge is necessary in order to protect institutions such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art galleries.
After all
, we pay for every other cultural activity,
for instance
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, cinema, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. It seems quite reasonable to contribute to the financial needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
as well
.
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IELTS essay Should people pay to visit tourist attractions such as museums and art galleries?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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