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How should tourists behave when they are in a different country?

How should tourists behave when they are in a different country? D6y16

First of all, I think that tourists should do as much research about their destination as they can before their departure. This will help them learn more about the culture and what is considered polite as well as rude. It is important for tourists to uphold local customs and to consider laws with respect. They need to be mindful of religious and cultural beliefs. Being aware of what is illegal and socially unacceptable will be beneficial for tourists during their stay in another country. Overall, when on holiday, people need to behave appropriately and they need to know what can get them into trouble.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".First
First of all
, I This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :reckonassumebelieveconsider
think
 that tourists should do as much research about their destination as they can This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
before
 their departure. This will This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :assistassistance
help
 them learn more about the culture and what is considered
 polite as well
 as rude. It is This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:vitalcriticalessential
important
 for tourists to uphold local customs and to consider laws with respect. They need to be mindful of religious and cultural beliefs. Being aware of what is illegal and socially
 unacceptable will be beneficial for tourists during their stay in another country. Overall
, when on holiday, This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 need to behave Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).appropriately, and
appropriately and
 they need to know what can This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 them into trouble. 

IELTS essay How should tourists behave when they are in a different country?

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

104 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.5

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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