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Should Malaysia government punish LGBT

LGBT is an initialism that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender which the term began to be used at the beginning in the mid-to-late 1980s. Even though LGBT is common around the globe, but it is unusual in Malaysia as majority from Malaysian citizen and Malaysia government want the LGBT to be punished. I agree with them because LGBT is contrary to tradition and religion, lowering the number of fertility in Malaysia in the future and it contribute to the increasing number people with health problems. First and foremost, LGBT is contrary to tradition and religion. This is because every tradition and religion in all around the globe only allow the marriage between man and woman. By looking from the definition of marriage from the ‘Oxford Dictionary Second Edition’, it said that marriage is a legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife. In this context, the man and the woman referring to the man and woman which are naturally births as a man and woman. LGBT is against the tradition and religion not only for Muslim but also Catholic because it is a sin as being LGBT is unnatural while in tradition, they believe that children are best raised by two opposite-sex parents. Thus, LGBT should be punished as it against the tradition and religion as it is unnatural and against the religion. Next, LGBT should be taken seriously in Malaysia's government as the arising of LGBT will decrease on fertility rate in Malaysia. Malaysia's target to have a 70 million population by 2050, cannot be achieved if the LGBT group in Malaysia are bigger then heterosexual as LGBT cannot give birth. According to Department Statistic Malaysia, the number of live births was 487957 in 2019 which decreased by 2. 8 percent as compared to 510945 in 2018. The decreasing of fertility will affect the number of children as these children will become one of Malaysia’s administrative in the future. This is others reason why Malaysia government should punish LGBT. Lastly, the LGBT group tends to have health problems. This health problem may come from depression, suicidal thoughts and self-harm which leads them to take excessive alcohol and another substance misuse. As stated in the Journal of Medicine, the prevalence of heavy drinking was highest among bisexual men which is 10. 9% compared with heterosexual is 5. 7%. Excessive alcohol consumption over a long period will result in liver cirrhosis. Based on the statistic, it shows that LGBT group will have a high tendency to get health problems which it can harm themselves. To summarize, LGBT is uncommon in Malaysia as it is more negative compared to positives. It not only will effect our tradition and religion but also the rate of population in Malaysia in the future and it will increase the number of Malaysian citizens that facing health problems. This proves that Malaysia government should punish LGBT according to the Malaysia’s law.
LGBT is an initialism that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender which the term began to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at the beginning in the mid-to-late 1980s.
Even though
LGBT is common around the globe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is unusual in Malaysia as majority from Malaysian citizen and Malaysia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
want the LGBT to
be punished
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
LGBT is contrary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
, lowering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of fertility in Malaysia in the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “contributes”.
contribute
to the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

First
and foremost, LGBT is contrary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
in all around the globe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the marriage between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
. By looking from the definition of marriage from the ‘Oxford Dictionary Second Edition’, it said that marriage is a legal union of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
as husband and wife. In this context, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
referring to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
which are
naturally
births as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
. LGBT is against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for Muslim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Catholic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a sin as being LGBT is unnatural while in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
, they believe that children are best raised by two opposite-sex parents.
Thus
, LGBT should
be punished
as it against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
as it is unnatural and against the religion.

Next
, LGBT should
be taken
seriously
in Malaysia's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as the arising of LGBT will decrease on fertility rate in Malaysia. Malaysia's target to have a 70 million population by 2050, cannot
be achieved
if the LGBT group in Malaysia are bigger
Comparison requires “than”, not ‘then’ nor ‘as’.
then
heterosexual as LGBT cannot give birth. According to Department Statistic Malaysia, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
births was 487957 in 2019 which decreased by 2. 8 percent as compared to 510945 in 2018. The decreasing of fertility will affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of children as these children will become one of Malaysia’s administrative in the future. This is others reason why Malaysia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should punish LGBT.

Lastly
, the LGBT group tends to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from depression, suicidal thoughts and self-harm which leads them to take excessive alcohol and another substance misuse. As stated in the Journal of Medicine, the prevalence of heavy drinking was highest among bisexual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
which is 10. 9% compared with heterosexual is 5. 7%. Excessive alcohol consumption over a long period will result in liver cirrhosis. Based on the statistic, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that LGBT group will have a high tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which it can harm themselves.

To summarize
, LGBT is uncommon in Malaysia as it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
compared to positives. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will
Did you mean “affect” (have an effect upon)?
effect
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the rate of population in Malaysia in the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
it will increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Malaysian citizens that facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This proves that Malaysia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should punish LGBT according to the Malaysia’s law.
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IELTS essay Should Malaysia government punish LGBT

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
489 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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