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Nowadays, teenagers spend an excessive amount of time on doing unproductive activities, such as watching television and playing video games.

Nowadays, teenagers spend an excessive amount of time on doing unproductive activities, such as watching television and playing video games. I strongly agree that youngsters spend their free time unwisely, poor time management and peer influence are the key factors. In most cases, young people are lack of self control. Due to the coronavirus situation, schools are closed and students need to attend online classes. Generally, students spend approximately four to five hours on the online classes and submit their homework online. Learning time is much less than before. They also have more freedom to control their time since teachers are not guiding them. Moreover, they do not have a chance to go out to do exercise. As a result, youngsters spend an unreasonable amount of time at home on doing unproductive things. In addition, peers influence is another reason. At this stage, young people are developing their personality and attitude and hope to find their role model. They put friendship as a higher priority as they spend much time together. Moreover, when young people want to feel accepted and valued by friends, they will follow their friends’ interest or hobbies. If a group of friends are playing a new video game, a juvenile tends to buy that game because he/she wants to have a common topic with them. It also creates peer pressure. If someone does not follow them, they may not be friends in future. Therefore, peers' influence leads youngsters to use their time inefficiently. To sum up, youngsters are not put the time to good use. I strongly believe that poor time management and peer influence are the main reasons.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
an excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on doing unproductive activities, such as watching television and playing video games. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
unwisely
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
are the key factors.

In most cases
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are lack of
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
self control
. Due to the coronavirus situation, schools
are closed
and students need to attend online classes.
Generally
, students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
approximately four to five hours on the online classes and submit their homework online. Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is much less than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. They
also
have more freedom to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
since teachers are not guiding them.
Moreover
, they do not have a chance to go out to do exercise.
As a result
, youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
an unreasonable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home on doing unproductive things.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
is another reason. At this stage, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are developing their personality and attitude and hope to find their role model. They put friendship as a higher priority as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together.
Moreover
, when young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
and valued by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, they will follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends’
interest or hobbies. If a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “is”? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so ‘are’ is not always incorrect.)
are
playing a new video game, a juvenile tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he/she wants to have a common topic with them. It
also
creates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
pressure. If someone does not follow them, they may not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
.
Therefore
, peers'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
leads youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
inefficiently
.

To sum up, youngsters are not put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. I
strongly
believe that poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
are the main reasons.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, teenagers spend an excessive amount of time on doing unproductive activities, such as watching television and playing video games.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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