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Should governments spend more money on art when they have to many other important issues and concerns?

Obsoletely some amount of money needs to be invested for art meanwhile there are a lots os significant unresolved problems and concerns. But Art will effect grows of national economy. Art vastness is really wide that includes in its family historical heritage, traditional clothes, instrumental music. . . etc. one of the biggest concern of every developing country is how to stabilize the economy. By spending some money on art could help the issue. As example my country is well known by its surprising handmade Art ( drawing pictures on animal skin, woven carpets, sewn chapans with golden threads) that attracts million of visitors attention. Recently to evidence to my example, one of the famous football player Ronaldo’s wife appeared on instagram with Uzbek national chapan. In fact no one paid anything to advertise, that means she was amazed and satisfied with product. As there is always other side of coin that govern not only must spend money for art but also other important issues and concerns, such as education, military, medical, contracting or building. Example health is most essential for human beings that need good caring always. As well as education and military have their own valuable positions for population and for government itself. In conclusion, every beautiful creation which man made is Art so we need to protect it as we doing our ancient ones. In my opinion government should spend more money on art that definitely there is A big return! .
Obsoletely
some
amount of
money
needs to
be invested
for
art
meanwhile there are a
lots
os
significant unresolved problems and concerns.
But
Art
will
effect
grows of national economy.
Art
vastness is
really
wide that includes in its family historical heritage, traditional clothes, instrumental music.
.
.
etc
. one of the biggest concern of every
developing country
is how to stabilize the economy. By spending
some
money
on
art
could
help
the issue. As example my country is well known by its surprising handmade
Art
(
drawing pictures on animal skin, woven carpets, sewn
chapans
with golden threads) that attracts
million
of visitors attention. Recently to evidence to my example, one of the
famous
football player Ronaldo’s wife appeared on
instagram
with Uzbek national
chapan
. In fact no one paid anything to advertise, that means she
was amazed
and satisfied with product.

As there is always other side of coin that govern not
only
must
spend
money
for
art
but
also
other
important
issues and concerns, such as education, military, medical, contracting or building. Example health is most essential for human beings that need
good
caring always.
As well
as education and military have their
own
valuable positions for population and for
government
itself.

In conclusion
, every
beautiful
creation which
man
made is
Art
so
we need to protect it as
we doing
our ancient ones. In my opinion
government
should spend more
money
on
art
that definitely there is A
big
return!
.
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IELTS essay Should governments spend more money on art when they have to many other important issues and concerns?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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