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Should governments spend more money on art when they have to many other important issues and concerns?

Obsoletely some amount of money needs to be invested for art meanwhile there are a lots os significant unresolved problems and concerns. But Art will effect grows of national economy. Art vastness is really wide that includes in its family historical heritage, traditional clothes, instrumental music. . . etc. one of the biggest concern of every developing country is how to stabilize the economy. By spending some money on art could help the issue. As example my country is well known by its surprising handmade Art ( drawing pictures on animal skin, woven carpets, sewn chapans with golden threads) that attracts million of visitors attention. Recently to evidence to my example, one of the famous football player Ronaldo’s wife appeared on instagram with Uzbek national chapan. In fact no one paid anything to advertise, that means she was amazed and satisfied with product. As there is always other side of coin that govern not only must spend money for art but also other important issues and concerns, such as education, military, medical, contracting or building. Example health is most essential for human beings that need good caring always. As well as education and military have their own valuable positions for population and for government itself. In conclusion, every beautiful creation which man made is Art so we need to protect it as we doing our ancient ones. In my opinion government should spend more money on art that definitely there is A big return! .
Possible spelling mistake found.
Obsoletely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
needs to
be invested
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
meanwhile there are a
An apostrophe may be missing.
lots
Possible spelling mistake found.
os
significant unresolved problems and concerns.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
will
Did you mean “affect” (have an effect upon)?
effect
grows of national economy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
vastness is
really
wide that includes in its family historical heritage, traditional clothes, instrumental music.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
etc
. one of the biggest concern of every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
is how to stabilize the economy. By spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the issue. As example my country is well known by its surprising handmade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
Don’t put a space after the opening parenthesis.
(
drawing pictures on animal skin, woven carpets, sewn
Possible spelling mistake found.
chapans
with golden threads) that attracts
Use “a million” or use a number before ‘million’.
million
of visitors attention. Recently to evidence to my example, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
football player Ronaldo’s wife appeared on
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
with Uzbek national
Possible spelling mistake found.
chapan
. In fact no one paid anything to advertise, that means she
was amazed
and satisfied with product.

As there is always other side of coin that govern not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues and concerns, such as education, military, medical, contracting or building. Example health is most essential for human beings that need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
caring always.
As well
as education and military have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
valuable positions for population and for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
itself.

In conclusion
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
creation which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
made is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we need to protect it as
A verb seems to be missing. Did you mean “we’re doing”, “we are doing”, or “we were doing”?
we doing
our ancient ones. In my opinion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
that definitely there is A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
return!
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
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IELTS essay Should governments spend more money on art when they have to many other important issues and concerns?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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