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Should government regulate the fast food industry in the same way they apply to tobacco alcohol and drugs industries?

Should government regulate the fast food industry in the same way they apply to tobacco alcohol and drugs industries? 8dPYk
In this day and age, more and more contemporary attention has been placed on the question whether or not government should strictly control fast food industry in the same way they apply to tobacco, alcohol and drugs industries. Personally, I wholeheartedly support the stringent administration of the government on fast food. The first justification why I advocate for the tight supervision on junk food is that it is as addictive and dangerous as tobacco, drugs and alcohol. Consuming unguaranteed quality foods, such as, burgers and chips, is associated with the multiple heath hazards, obesity, hypertension and other morbidities being some of them. Although addiction to take-aways does not engender social evils as drugs' do, they can eventually give birth to some mental illnesses, like body-shaming, and devastate one's life. Therefore, the management of the authorities on junk food industry is vitally essential to maintain the human health, as it directly curb the rate of detrimental sickness among people. The another equally compelling reason for the beaucrats to regulate fast food as strictly as alcohol, drugs industries is due to fast food's bad reputation and adverse influence on traditional culinary. Ready-made meals chains pose a great threat to the traditional cuisine, as the vast majority of the youngsters nowadays are prefering this rather than national meals, or some even grimace with disgust eating them. It becomes harder and harder to find local snacks these days. It is a shame that many tourists visiting certain places with the hope of trying famous local cuisine go home with disappointment, because there is nothing left to have a taste. In order to avoid the unfavorable scenario mentioned above, the leaders and those who hold powers need to closely supervise the fast food industry. In conclusion, I do believe that the government should impose laws on harmful junk foods, which will guarantee a better future for the citizens.
In this day and age, more and more contemporary attention has
been placed
on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
or not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
strictly
control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
in the same way
they apply to tobacco, alcohol and drugs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
.
Personally
, I
wholeheartedly
support the stringent administration of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
food.

The
first
justification why I advocate for the tight supervision on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is that it is as addictive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
as tobacco, drugs and alcohol. Consuming
Possible spelling mistake found.
unguaranteed
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, such as, burgers and chips,
is associated
with the multiple heath hazards, obesity, hypertension and other
Possible spelling mistake found.
morbidities
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them. Although addiction to
Possible spelling mistake found.
take-aways
does not engender social evils as drugs' do, they can
eventually
give birth to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental illnesses, like body-shaming, and devastate one's life.
Therefore
, the management of the authorities on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
is
vitally
essential to maintain the human health, as it
directly
curb the rate of detrimental sickness among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The another
equally
compelling reason for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
beaucrats
to regulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as
strictly
as alcohol, drugs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
food's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
reputation and adverse influence on traditional culinary. Ready-made meals chains pose a great threat to the traditional cuisine, as the vast majority of the youngsters nowadays are
Possible spelling mistake found.
prefering
this
rather
than national meals, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
even grimace with disgust eating them. It becomes harder and harder to find local snacks these days. It is a shame that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists visiting certain places with the hope of trying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
local cuisine go home with disappointment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to have a taste. In order to avoid the unfavorable scenario mentioned above, the leaders and those who hold powers need to
closely
supervise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry.

In conclusion
, I do believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose laws on harmful junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, which will guarantee a better future for the citizens.
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IELTS essay Should government regulate the fast food industry in the same way they apply to tobacco alcohol and drugs industries?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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