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Should children spend a lot of time with their family

Should children spend a lot of time with their family 7rKOy
Nobody can deny that parental influence is important in life of children, and various people think that they should spend all time with their family whereas others think it is not necessary. I believe that children should not spend all their time with family and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples. Admittedly, there are some basic benefits of spending much time with parents as it help the children to learn about their family culture and discipline. However children who spend a lot of time with their parents become selfish person. They don't want to talk with others and they are hate everyone. This kind of children will always think about their personal gains before anything else. They might come across, nothing comes before their personal goals. Their companionship will only add to you pain. Another main drawback is that kids who spend much time with their family will be incommunicative. They will have trouble communicating and it leads to loneliness. It makes people aggressive and bored. Many people don't want to talk this kind of person. On the other hand, there is an argument that family time offers many benefits. For example building confidence creating stronger emotional bond between family members, better performance in school and reduced behavioural issues. Take all things consideration, common belief that spending a lot of time with family is best. But in my point of view it make children incommunicative and selfish. Personally I think kids should expend their time with peers and friends.
Nobody can deny that parental influence is
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important
in life of
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children
, and various
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people
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think
that they should
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spend
all
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time
with their
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family
whereas others
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think
it is not necessary. I believe that
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children
should not
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spend
all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples.

Admittedly
, there are
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some
basic benefits of spending much
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time
with parents as it
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help
the
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children
to learn about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
culture and discipline.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
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children
who
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spend
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a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their parents become selfish person. They don't want to talk with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
they are hate everyone. This kind of
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children
will always
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think
about their personal gains
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before
anything else. They might
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come
across, nothing
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comes
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before
their personal goals. Their companionship will
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only
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add
to you pain.

Another main drawback is that kids who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
incommunicative
. They will have trouble communicating and it leads to loneliness. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aggressive and bored.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
don't want to talk this kind of person.

On the other hand
, there is an argument that
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family
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time
offers
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many
benefits.
For example
building confidence creating stronger emotional bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, better performance in school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
issues.

Take all
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things
consideration, common belief that spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is best.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my point of view it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
incommunicative
and selfish.
Personally
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
kids should expend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with peers and friends.
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IELTS essay Should children spend a lot of time with their family

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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