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SHOULD CELEBRITIES ENJOY PRIVACY FROM THE PRESS?

SHOULD CELEBRITIES ENJOY PRIVACY FROM THE PRESS? GJAOx
Personally, being in the public eye, celebrities has a little of privacy space. It is obvious as they are celebrities, who are always sought after by the public and the media. First, somes celebrities publicize their personal information in order to gain much money, public attention and develop their work. Besides, media invasion is an vital part to make the name of celebrities become explosive, which generate celebrity branding. For instance, Kim Kardashian and her family become the lifestyle brand since they put themselves under srutiny of the media and invite the public into their lifes. As a consequence, she hits the jackpot and now is a millionaire who has more and more attetion from the public. Moreover, when the name of celebrities is booming as a scandal, instead of being silent, some of them still appear in public, participate in reality show, and even gain milliondollar movie contracts or endorsement deals. Second, privacy is the natural price of fame. Celebrities take a lack of privacy for granted as it is in their job description. In addition, their intrigue, relationships, personal love story and other private matter, which is reavealed or put on display, is just a small price to pay for fame or achievements. As long as people want to know about the private live of famous personalities and media reveal photos and stories, celebrities still has fame and attention. Third, there is a symbiotic relationship between celebrities and the media where one depends on the pther for their existence. Media intrusion, the paparazi, photographers are the essential element which help celebrities stay in the news and build their career. To conclude, celebrities have little privacy, and it is most likely going to stay that way, so they should accept and get along with it.
Personally
, being in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
eye,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
of privacy space. It is obvious as they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, who are always sought after by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and the media.

First
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
somes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
publicize their personal information in order to gain much money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
attention and develop their work.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
invasion is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
vital part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "becomes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'become' is not always incorrect.)
become
explosive, which generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
branding.
For instance
, Kim Kardashian and her family become the lifestyle brand since they put themselves under
Possible spelling mistake found.
srutiny
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and invite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
into their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
. As a consequence, she hits the jackpot and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is a millionaire who has more and more
Possible spelling mistake found.
attetion
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
Moreover
, when the name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
is booming as a scandal,
instead
of being silent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
still
appear in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, participate in reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, and even gain
Possible spelling mistake found.
milliondollar
movie contracts or endorsement deals.

Second, privacy is the natural price of fame.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
take a lack of privacy for granted as it is in their job description.
In addition
, their intrigue, relationships, personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
story and other private matter, which is
Possible spelling mistake found.
reavealed
or put on display, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
price to pay for fame or achievements. As long as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to know about the private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
reveal photos and stories,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
still
has fame and attention.

Third, there is a symbiotic relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
where one depends on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pther
for their existence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
intrusion, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
paparazi
, photographers are the essential element which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
stay in the news and build their career.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
privacy, and it is most likely going to stay that way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should accept and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with it.
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IELTS essay SHOULD CELEBRITIES ENJOY PRIVACY FROM THE PRESS?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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