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Shortage of water fresh is increasing globally, what are the causes and solutions to this

Shortage of water fresh is increasing globally, what are the causes and solutions to this d37EX
The decreasing of fresh water is becoming a global concern everyday. Water is a daily necessity for both living and non living creatures for human survival. This essay will throw light on the problems that this phenomenal has caused and also suggest solutions for the problems. Firstly, the ever decreasing in fresh water in the globe has cause many aquatic animals such as fish, clubs etc to lose their lies as a results of inappropriate methods of fishing and deforestation thus cutting down of trees for housing and furniture. Also there is pressure on the existing water bodies as many people rely on these bodies as portable for their activities. Example country like Germany has experience water shortage about 70 years due to Nacism leadership and it has affected them up to now which makes water more expensive in the country. Furthermore, the above mentioned problems can be addressed through effective enforcement of existing and and enactment of new ones to supervise and regulates the activities of construction firms and fishing industries in order to avoid pollution of water bodies. Culprits should be also fine and sentenced to prison to deter others from doing the same thing. I conclusion, the rate at which clean water is becoming world concerned is increasingly. This essay has discussed the causes of the problems such as inappropriate methods of fishing, construction etc and has also proposed solutions to the problems raised. . Thank you.
The decreasing of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is becoming a global concern
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Water
is a daily necessity for both living and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non living
creatures for human survival. This essay will throw light on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that this phenomenal has caused and
also
suggest solutions for the problems.

Firstly
, the ever decreasing in fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in the globe has cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aquatic animals such as fish, clubs etc to lose their lies as
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a result" or simply "results"?
a results
of inappropriate methods of fishing and deforestation
thus
cutting down of trees for housing and furniture.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there is pressure on the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
bodies as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rely on these bodies as portable for their activities. Example country like Germany has experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
shortage about 70 years due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nacism
leadership and it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
them up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
more expensive in the country.

Furthermore
, the above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be addressed
through effective enforcement of existing
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
enactment of new ones to supervise and regulates the activities of construction firms and fishing industries in order to avoid pollution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
bodies. Culprits should be
also
fine and sentenced to prison to deter others from doing the same thing.

Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I conclusion
, the rate at which clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is becoming world concerned is
increasingly
. This essay has discussed the causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as inappropriate methods of fishing, construction etc and has
also
proposed solutions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
raised.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Thank you.
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IELTS essay Shortage of water fresh is increasing globally, what are the causes and solutions to this

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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