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shopping is the activity youth spend most of their what are the reasons and what can be done instead of shopping.

shopping is the activity youth spend most of their what are the reasons and what can be done instead of shopping. ygbld
Shopping is the most preferred leisure time activity by the younger generation today and it is the result of the improved advertisement campaigns by companies; however, youth should also spend time on other essential activities apart from buying goods such as exercise. Time spent by young people on buying goods has seen sharp growth over the last few decades because of advanced strategies adapted by brands to advertise more effectively. Firstly, many of the brands now use social media to directly attract customers to buy their products. They often use the power of social media to influence the buyer's decision to buy the product by using popular celebrities for their endorsement campaigns. Unfortunately, many people get influenced by these marketing strategies and end up buying goods they do not even need. Secondly, they offer attractive discounts on the goods to improve their sales and attract more buyers and many people can not resist this as they think they will save money if they buy instantly and save more money which would otherwise cost them more. For instance, Amazon, an online shopping website increased its jewelry sales by 30% by using a popular actor to endorse it. Instead of spending free time shopping, people could use it more effectively by working out regularly which will significantly improve their physical health. Many people across the world suffer from obesity due to a sedentary lifestyle and excess fat is considered a major cause of cardiovascular disease and organ failure. so, doing exercise regularly could prevent this life-threatening condition and save the lives of people. For instance, a recent study conducted by doctors in the US showed that running for 30 minutes daily could reduce the chances of getting heart attacks by 30%. This activity should be encouraged by youth as it helps to improve their health To conclude, shopping is a popular activity among young people due to smart ways adapted by companies for the advertisement to lure customers to buy more goods and other important activities that youth should spend time is exercise as it improves their health prevent deadly health conditions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
is the most preferred leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
by the younger generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and it is the result of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
advertisement campaigns by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
;
however
, youth should
also
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on other essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
apart from buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
such as exercise.

Time spent by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
sharp growth over the last few decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advanced strategies adapted by brands to advertise more
effectively
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the brands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social media to
directly
attract customers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
their products. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the power of social media to influence the buyer's decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the product by using popular celebrities for their endorsement campaigns. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by these marketing strategies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
they do not even need.

Secondly
, they offer attractive discounts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their sales and attract more buyers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not resist this as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they will save money if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
instantly
and save more money which would
otherwise
cost them more.
For instance
, Amazon, an online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
website increased its jewelry sales by 30% by using a popular actor to endorse it.

Instead
of spending free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it more
effectively
by working out
regularly
which will
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their physical health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the world suffer from obesity due to a sedentary lifestyle and excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
is considered
a major cause of cardiovascular disease and organ failure.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, doing exercise
regularly
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this life-threatening condition and save the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, a recent study conducted by doctors in the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that running for 30 minutes daily could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chances of getting heart attacks by 30%. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
should
be encouraged
by youth as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
health


To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to smart ways adapted by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for the advertisement to lure customers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that youth should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is exercise as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improves
their health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
deadly health conditions
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IELTS essay shopping is the activity youth spend most of their what are the reasons and what can be done instead of shopping.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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