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It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than big city. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than big city. xPbjo
It is sometimes argued that whether children to mature in a rural areas or in a big city. I completely agree that growing up in a city us so dangerous for children, and I believe that they should mature in a countryside. There are several reasons why adolescents should not grow up in a big cities. Firstly, there are huge factories which are belching out gas and smoke especially unpleasant and so harmful for children's health. For instance while we are watching broadcast on tv, we can confirm that many children are dying because of lung cancer. Secondly, I believe that the number of private cars and public transports are increasing day by day. It means, it is a serious problem for those who are attending to school everyday. If they do not notice the car is coming, they will be injured. Because of these reasons, I think they should not mature in cities. Furthmore, I believe that, the process of adolescence should be ended in the countryside insteaf of in the city, it has more beneficial sides for children. They will be physically and mentally healthy. That means, they can breath from fresh air and drink clear water. Moreover, If children live in the countryside, it is required to get up early and do some exercises and chores as well. And also, they are given an opportunity to climb to the mountains or go to meadows. For instance, it is claimed that children who were born in the countryside are stronger than those in the city. In conclusion, my view is that children should grow up in rural areas and it has a number of beneficial sides as I have mentioned above and I believe that it is wrong to grow up in a city.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to mature in a rural
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "area"?
areas
or in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that growing up in a city us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they should mature in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. There are several reasons why adolescents should not grow up in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "city"?
cities
.
Firstly
, there are huge factories which are belching out gas and smoke
especially
unpleasant and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
harmful for children's health.
For instance
while we are watching broadcast on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, we can confirm that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are dying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lung cancer.
Secondly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the number of private cars and public transports are increasing day by day. It means, it is a serious problem for those who are attending to school
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. If they do not notice the car is coming, they will
be injured
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these reasons, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should not mature in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furthmore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that, the process of adolescence should
be ended
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
Possible spelling mistake found.
insteaf
of in the city, it has more beneficial sides for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They will be
physically
and mentally healthy. That means, they can
Did you mean the verb "breathe"? 'breath' is a noun.
breath
from fresh air and drink
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
water.
Moreover
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
, it
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises and chores
as well
. And
also
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to climb to the mountains or go to meadows.
For instance
, it
is claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
were born
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
are stronger than those in the city.
In conclusion
, my view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should grow up in rural areas and it has a number of beneficial sides as I have mentioned above and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to grow up in a city.
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IELTS essay It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than big city.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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