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Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activities in many countries for young adults. Do you agree or disagree?

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activities in many countries for young adults. xPoro
Nowadays, People go to shopping mall in their free time and most of youngsters of all the world think that shopping is an excellent leisure time activity. I totally agree with this viewpoint. First of all, shopping has a positive effect on people's psychology and society. With the development of technology and the Internet, shopping has become even more popular. People are interested in trends and modern fashions on the Internet and want to buy them. For example, young people see clothes worn or advertised by a movie star on social media and buy trendy clothes from a mall. In addition, technology and Internet capabilities have further developed. As a result, online shopping has emerged and people have started shopping more in their spare time. As it is very easy to shop online, and people can easily get what they want with one click from shopping sites such as Amazon and Express on the phone. However, for some people, shopping in their spare time and buying things they don't need is pointless. People with low salaries can't buy trendy clothes from a mall at any time, and they consider that buying fashionable clothes when they don't need them is just a waste of money. In conclusion, although for some people, shopping is not popular free activity, as a result of developing social media, the Internet and emergency of online sites made shopping as popular free activity.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the youngsters") or simply say "most youngsters".
most of youngsters
of all the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is an excellent leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
activity. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's psychology and society. With the development of technology and the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become even more popular.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are interested
in trends and modern fashions on the Internet and want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
For example
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
worn or advertised by a movie star on social media and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
from a mall.

In addition
, technology and Internet capabilities have
further
developed.
As a result
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has emerged and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
more in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. As it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to shop online, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want with one click from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
sites such as Amazon and Express on the phone.

However
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and buying things they don't need is pointless.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
with low salaries can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
from a mall at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and they consider that buying fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
when they don't need them is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of money.

In conclusion
, although for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is not popular free activity,
as a result
of developing social media, the Internet and emergency of online sites made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as popular free activity.
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IELTS essay Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activities in many countries for young adults.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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