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shootings increase because many people have guns at home

shootings increase because many people have guns at home 2RJ7j
The rising number of gun violence incidents is getting further alarming as more people become gun owners. This essay agrees, that gaining access to firearm permits should be taken rather seriously, thus lowering the number of people who keep guns at home. Countries, where the governments have implemented strict rules regarding obtaining gun licences, have been known to be subject to way fewer casualties due to gun violence. In my opinion, there should be thorough investigations into one's and their families' history of mental health, criminal records and overall future intentions with said gun to prevent all possible inconveniences. The US for instance is unfortunately known to have extremely poor gun regulation, therefore often leading to mass casualties. However, in countries such as Singapore, which is known to have one of the strictest gun laws in the world, gun permits are issued with a large number of conditions and restrictions. Furthermore, I believe that permits shall be revised every 2 years and according to the outcome strictly revoked if the person begins to show any type of micro-aggression within their community, signs of deterioration in mental health, and simply as they age. Someone who was once deemed appropriate for gun ownership will most definitely change over time due to a myriad of unpredictable internal or external factors. Neglecting this much-needed constant revision system will eventually just allow small fails to slip in every now and then, which is completely unacceptable since it concerns human lives. In conclusion, not only should governments put various gun regulations into action, but in addition to that they should also follow this up with the setup of an organization that helps to further prevent the misuse of firearms.
The rising number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
violence incidents is getting
further
alarming as more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
owners. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
, that gaining access to firearm permits should
be taken
rather
seriously
,
thus
lowering the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at home.

Countries, where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have implemented strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
regarding obtaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
Possible spelling mistake. 'licences' is British English.
licences
, have
been known
to be subject to way fewer casualties due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
violence. In my opinion, there should be thorough investigations into one's and their families' history of mental health, criminal records and
overall
future intentions with said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
all possible inconveniences. The US
for instance
is unfortunately known to have
extremely
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
regulation,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leading to mass casualties.
However
, in countries such as Singapore, which
is known
to have one of the strictest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
laws in the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
permits
are issued
with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
conditions and restrictions.

Furthermore
, I believe that permits shall
be revised
every 2 years and according to the outcome
strictly
revoked if the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
any type of micro-aggression within their community, signs of deterioration in mental health, and
simply
as they age. Someone who was once deemed appropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
ownership will most definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over time due to a myriad of unpredictable internal or external factors. Neglecting this much-needed constant revision system will
eventually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fails to slip in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then, which is completely unacceptable since it concerns human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
put various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
regulations into action,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in addition
to that they should
also
follow this up with the setup of an organization that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the misuse of firearms.
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IELTS essay shootings increase because many people have guns at home

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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